PORTA, the once notorious Michigander, Who launched the now exploded solar slander, Whereat ten thousand negroes stood aghast, In one short month into oblivion passed, But PICKERING'S momentous lunar screed Proves the persistence of this wondrous breed. Yet this in PICKERING'S favour let us state: He has no scare or scandal to relate-- Nothing in any way that may impugn The credit or the morals of the moon; And on the other hand it does attract us To learn that she is growing sage and cactus. Hardly romantic vegetables, these, And not so edible as good green cheese Which nursery rhymers (banned by MONTESSORI) Associated with the lunar story. Still PICKERING'S vegetable views are tame Contrasted with Professor GODDARD'S aim; For he, as from the daily Press we learn, An obvious plagiarist of good JULES VERNE, Would have us build a Bertha fat enough To send a charge of high explosive stuff Across the intervening seas of space Bang into Luna's unoffending face. Meanwhile our own alert star-gazing chief, DYSON (Sir FRANK), is rather moved to grief Than anger by the astronomic pranks Played by unbalanced professorial cranks, Who study science in the wild-cat vein And "ruin along the illimitable inane." * * * * * THE NEW NAVAL UNIFORM. "FOR SALE, NAVAL CADET'S (R.N.) MESS-DRESS; 39 inches side seam; pair cricket boots, purple velour hat, grey chiffon velvet dress."--_Daily Paper._ * * * * * "SUEDE TURNIP, best varieties."--_Advt. in Tasmanian Paper._ No kid about this offer. * * * * * "Wanted, at once, respectable Man for Polishing Porter."--_Daily Paper._ The manners of some of our porters notoriously leave much to be desired. * * * * * [Illustration: MORE ADVENTURES OF A POST-WAR SPORTSMAN. A SLIGHT ACCIDENT SECURES HIM A PERSONAL INTRODUCTION TO THE MASTER.] * * * * * OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. (_By Mr. Punch's Staff of Learned Clerks_.)