"It's not sold _yet_," said Etta calmly. "There was such rivalry over it that it's going to be raffled. Tickets half-a-crown each. Like one?" "But it's _mine_!" I protested. "On the contrary, it's _mine_; Angela gave it to me. If you care to buy all the tickets--?" "How much?" I growled. "Four pounds." "But--but that's twice as much as I paid for it originally!" "I know," said Etta sweetly, "but prices have risen terribly owing to the War." * * * * * I found Edward outside leaning on his jaded velocipede. He was wearing the "Limit." "Hello," said he, "got what you wanted?" "Yes," said I, "and so, I observe, did you. How much did _you_ have to pay?" "Nothing," said he triumphantly; "Etta took my new mackintosh in exchange," he chuckled. "I think we rather scored off Angela this time, don't you?" "Yes," said I--"ye-es." PATLANDER. * * * * * [Illustration: PORTRAIT OF A GENTLEMAN IN PROCESS OF DECIDING THAT THE HIRE OF A CAR TO TAKE HIM TO HIS FANCY-DRESS REVEL WOULD HAVE BEEN WELL WORTH THE EXPENSE.] * * * * * From an invitation to a subscription-ball:-- "Hoping that you will endeavour to make this, our first dance, a bumping success...." As the Latin gentleman might have said, _Nemo repente fuit Terpsichore_. * * * * * "_Two pigs off their feet had hard work to get to food trough, but K---- Pig Powders soon put them right._"--_Local Paper._ Set them on their feet again, we conclude. * * * * * "Respectable reserved lady (25), of ability, wishes to meet respectable keen Business Gentleman, honourable and reserved."--_Advt. in Irish Paper._ Obviously reserved for one another. * * * * * "A big re-union of all returned men and their dependents is to be held at the Board of Trade building on New Year's day.... A year ago the affair was a hug success and the ladies hope for an even better record this year."--_Manitoba Free Press._ Manitoba is so embracing. * * * * * [Illustration: _Small Boy_ (_indicating highly-powdered lady_). "MUMMY, MAY I WRITE 'DUST' ON THAT LADY'S BACK?"] * * * * * TO MY BUTTER RATION (_On hearing that the stuff is shortly to be decontrolled_).