A Bolton labourer who picked up twenty-five one-pound Treasury notes and restored them to the proper owner was rewarded with a shilling. It is only fair to say that the lady also said, "Thank you." * * * Asked what he would give towards a testimonial fund for a local hero one hardy Scot is reported to have said that he would give three cheers. * * * We learn on good authority that should a General Election take place during one of Mr. LLOYD GEORGE'S visits to Paris _The Daily Mail_ will undertake to keep him informed regarding the results by means of its Continental edition. * * * A sad story reaches us from South-West London. It appears that a girl of twenty attempted suicide because she realised she was too old to write either a popular novel or a book of poems. * * * The Guards, it is stated, are to revert to the pre-war scarlet tunic and busby. Pre-war head-pieces, it may be added, are now worn exclusively at the War Office. * * * At the Independent Labour Party's Victory dance it was stipulated that "evening dress and shirt sleeves are barred." This challenge to the upper classes (with whom shirt-sleeves are of course _de rigueur_) is not without its significance. * * * As much alarm was caused by the announcement in these columns last week that the collapse of a wooden house was caused by a sparrow stepping on it, we feel we ought to mention that, owing to a sudden gust of wind, the bird in question leaned to one side, and it was simply this movement which caused the house to overbalance. * * * * * [Illustration: THE WAVE OF CRIME. _Gent._ "WHAT MADE YOU PUT YOUR HAND INTO MY POCKET?" _Doubtful Character._ "JUST ABSENT-MINDEDNESS. I ONCE 'AD A PAIR OF PANTS EXACTLY LIKE THOSE YOU'RE WEARING."] * * * * * "The eternal combustion engine has become recognised the world over as a factor in modern civilisation."--_Provincial Paper._ But surely it is many years since Lord WESTBURY in the GORHAM case was said to have "dismissed h---- with costs?" * * * * * THE SWEET INFLUENCES OF TRADE. [The revival, in certain quarters, of commercial relations with Germany has already begun to blunt the memory of the War. And now the proposal to open up trade with the Co-operative Societies in Russia, to the obvious benefit of the Bolshevists, who practically control the whole country, looks like an attempt to bring about indirectly a peace which we cannot in decency negotiate through the ordinary channels of diplomacy.] They are coming, the carpet-baggers, their voices are heard in the land, Guttural Teuton organs, but very polite and bland; And our arms are stretched for their welcome; we've buried the past like a dud; For blood may be thicker than water, but Trade is thicker than blood.