C.F.S. * * * * * [Illustration: _Old-fashioned Aunt._ "GOOD HEAVENS, CHILD! YOU'RE NOT GOING OUT LIKE THAT? YOU LOOK LIKE A CHORUS-GIRL." _Modern Maiden._ "OH, COME, AUNT! I DON'T LOOK AS HORRIBLY RESPECTABLE AS THAT, SURELY?"] * * * * * EGYPTIAN DARKNESS. "Several letters have appeared in the native Press in some of which they ask Minindirect way, as they have done, but in a indirect way they have done but in a clear clear manner which cannot be interpreted two ways."--_Egyptian Gazette._ Or, so far as we are concerned, even one way. * * * * * [Illustration: ANOTHER "RESERVATION." STARVING EUROPE. "GOD HELP ME!" AMERICA. "VERY SAD CASE. BUT I'M AFRAID SHE AIN'T TRYING." ["Relief would be found in the resumption of industrial life and activity and the imposition of adequate taxation. The American people should not be called upon to finance the requirements of Europe in so far as they result from failure to take these necessary steps."--_Mr. CARTER GLASS, Secretary of the United States Treasury._]] * * * * * THE BIG-GAME CURE. [In common with everything else, wild animals have risen considerably in price.] In other times I might have made For those wild lands where growls the grisly, Have tracked him (with some native aid) And held a broken-hearted Bisley; Now that my Maud has murmured, "Nay," Shrinking from matrimony's tight knot, I might have acted thus, I say (Contrariwise, I might not). In any case to-day I shrink From thus evading Sorrow's trammels; A sense of duty bids me think How costly are the larger mammals; To kill them just to soothe my mind Would seem to savour of the wasteful, A thing all patriot poets find Exceedingly distasteful. Not mine the immemorial cure; The voice of conscience warns me off it; I'll leave the following of the spoor To those who follow it for profit; I feel they would not thank me for Turning the jungle to a shambles, Who speculate in lions or Have elephantine gambles. And so this poet will not roam; Remaining on his native heath, he Will seek an anodyne at home, Nor look beyond the Thames for Lethe; And if he fades away, denied The usual balm in cardiac crises, Say only this of him, "He died A prey to soaring prices." * * * * * [Illustration: THE RETURN OF THE PRODIGAL.] * * * * * HOW TO ACT IN EMERGENCIES. _The Weekly Dispatch_ symposium, in which various celebrities discuss the way to act in the event of a burglar being found in the house, shows the need for a little advice in case of emergencies. We append the following very helpful hints:--