I read on: "Domestic oil no risk. 6 dys. trd. s. hands 10 yrs. s.a.v." "I wonder whether that means that she _can_ cook on an oil-stove or that she _can't_ cook on any other kind? And does the 'no risk' refer to her or the stove? It's not very clear. I don't think we'll take up this one's references. Besides I shouldn't like one that was tired for six days." "Out of every seven," I added, "and the seventh day would be the Sabbath, and her day off." "Go on to the next," said Phyllis firmly. The next one merely said; "General. Kilburn tkg. L40 1 rm. s.a.v." "It would be nice to have a taking sort of girl," I thought (unfortunately aloud). "We won't think of her, the hussy!" said Phyllis. "Pass me the paper, please." "They all seem to want 's.a.v.,'" she said. "What do you suppose it means? I wish they wouldn't use so many abbreviations. 'S.a.' stands for Sunday afternoon, of course, but I can't think what the 'v.' is for. Of course we'll give them Sunday afternoons free, if that's what it means. I only wonder they don't want an evening off in the week as well. I call them most reasonable. And there are so many to choose from. I always understood from mother that they're so hard to get." Then she turned the paper over. "Oh, you are stupid!" she said. "You've been looking at the 'Shops and Businesses for Sale' column." "So've you," I snapped. And then I regret to say we had our first quarrel. I told Phyllis firmly that she is not at all tkg., nor would she stand any test; that no one could engage her, much less marry her, without taking risks; that she hadn't had s. hands for yrs., that _she_ wouldn't go without her bacon for anyone, and that I should be jolly thankful if she would take every blessed s.a.v. I admit that Phyllis was more dignified. She merely sailed out of the room, remarking that I made her trd. * * * * * "OUR INVINCIBLE NAVY." In continuation of a paragraph in his last issue, Mr. Punch expresses his regret if the article which appeared under the above title in these pages on January 14th has unwittingly given offence to any one of his readers through others having connected him with the character of _Reginald McTaggart_. * * * * * [Illustration: THE CONSCIENTIOUS BURGLAR. PAISLEY HUMANITARIAN. "IF I COULD ONLY BE QUITE SURE THAT I SHOULDN'T BE DISCOURAGING HIM FROM SAVING." [Mr. ASQUITH has pronounced himself cautiously in favour of a Capital Levy, on the condition, amongst others, that it must not be allowed to discourage the habit of saving.]] * * * * * [Illustration: JULIUS CAESAR ON THE LINKS. _Actor_ (_whose knowledge of SHAKSPEARE is greater than his golf_). "'O, PARDON ME, THOU BLEEDING PIECE OF EARTH.'"] * * * * * RINGS FROM SATURN. (_Extracted from various issues of "The Daily Mandate."_) I. _To the Editor of "The Daily Mandate."_