Produced by Jonathan Ingram, Keith Edkins and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. VOL. 158. February 25th, 1920. CHARIVARIA. "Another American," says a Washington despatch, "has been captured by Mexicans and is being held to ransom." We deplore these pin-prick tactics. If there is something about the United States that President CARRANZA wants changed he should say so. * * * A contemporary states that the old theory, that when your ears burn it means that people are talking about you, is accurate. Upon hearing this a dear old lady at once commenced to crochet a set of asbestos ear-guards for Mr. CHURCHILL. * * * The American gentleman who claims to have invented _revues_ is shortly coming over to England for a holiday. Personally we should advise him to wait until the crime wave has died down a bit. * * * It is pleasing to note that in spite of the recent spring-like weather the POET LAUREATE is calmly keeping his head. * * * In their last Note to Holland on the subject of the ex-Kaiser's trial the Allied Governments drop a hint that it was they and not Holland who won the War. It is impossible to be too definite on this matter. * * * Cotton, it is announced, has gone up to tenpence a reel. The new American whisky stands at the same figure. * * * "Boys sing automatically, like parrots," declares the choirmaster of St. John's Church, Grimsby. His facts are wrong. The only thing automatic about a parrot is its bite. * * * So thirsty were the Americans on board, it is stated, that on her homeward trip the _Mauretania_ was drunk dry two days out. To remedy this unsatisfactory state of affairs a syndicate of wealthy Americans is understood to be formulating an offer to tow Ireland over to the New Jersey coast if a liquor licence is granted to the tug. * * * There is no truth in the report that, as the result of a majority vote of the Dublin Corporation, the sword and mace have been replaced by a pistol and mitre. * * * We live in strenuous times. The MAD MULLAH has been reported in action and Willesden has won the London Draughts' Tournament. * * * By the way, those who remember the MAD MULLAH'S earlier escapades are of the opinion that it is high time for him to be killed again. * * * The HOME SECRETARY hopes to introduce an Anti-Firearms Bill. Under this Act it is expected that it will be made illegal for criminals to shoot at people into whose homes they break. * * * A postcard posted in 1888 has just been delivered to _The Leeds Mercury_, and they ask if this is a record. Not a permanent one, if the Post Office can help it. * * * A young lady told the Stratford magistrates that she gave up her young man because he said he was a millionaire, and she had later learned that he was a waiter. But there is nothing contradictory in this. * * *