Produced by Jonathan Ingram, Keith Edkins and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. VOL. 158. March 10th, 1920. CHARIVARIA. There are one hundred thousand more people living in London than in New York. But they are only just living. * * * "The Home Rule Bill," says _The Irish Unionist Alliance_, "would, if put into operation, cause friction in Ireland." We are sorry to hear this, for friction is the last thing we want to see in Ireland. * * * M. GRABSKI, who has just asked for the loan of three thousand million francs, is the Polish Minister of Finance. Yet people say there is nothing in a name. * * * A Welsh Prohibition Bill is suggested. We think it should be pointed out that the Welsh language is natural and not due to over-indulgence. * * * DEMPSEY, the American Boxer, is to be charged with "draft-dodging." The other charge of COCHRAN-dodging will not be proceeded with. * * * Gold in the mouth, says the American Academy of Dental Science, is out of date. Much the same applies to gold in the pocket. * * * We understand that an American syndicate has been formed for the purpose of acquiring the sole rights in a suit of clothes by a London tailor. * * * American whisky is said to create in consumers a desire to climb trees. British whisky, on the other hand, seems to create in the Americans a desire to cross the Atlantic. * * * With reference to the road-mender who fell down last week and injured himself an explanation has now been given. It appears that the colleague next to him must have moved. * * * No fewer than twenty-seven poems on Spring have been received by one weekly paper editor. Yet there are people who still maintain that the crime wave is on the wane. * * * "The Irish swear by two staple beverages," says _The Daily Mail_. We feel, however, that an Irishman who was really trying could swear by more than this. * * * We understand that the Foreign Office takes a serious view of the large number of public-houses which have been burgled during the last few weeks. It is feared that it may be the work of a foreign spy who is endeavouring to secure the recipe of British Government ale. * * * "A large number of army tanks have been sent to Africa," announces an article in a daily paper. However, as the brontosaurus is supposed to devour four of these delicacies at every meal, it is feared that unless a great many more are sent out immediately this dainty animal may be faced with extermination. * * * A morning paper announces that all airships of "R 34" type are now obsolete. We have decided to stick a pin in each of ours. * * * From Ireland comes the pleasing news that the wife of a well-known Sinn Feiner has just presented her husband with a little bomberette. * * *