The Nabob quits his brandy-pawnee To listen to the lore of TAWNEY; The plain beer-drinker bans the bowl, Weaned by the witchery of COLE. Students however slack or yawny Grow tense beneath the spell of TAWNEY; Footballers score goal after goal, Trained in the principles of COLE. The shrimp grows positively prawny On list'ning to the voice of TAWNEY; While upward shoots the blindest mole Beneath the airy tread of COLE. There's something thrilling--Colleen-Bawny-- About the articles of TAWNEY; And no one can so grandly toll The knell of Capital as COLE. As Cornwall rallied to TRELAWNY So Labour rallies to its TAWNEY; And miners find a "better 'ole" Provided by the creed of COLE. * * * * * "Our evening congregations have more than doubled in two months. _Sans Deo!_" _Parish Magazine._ We don't wonder that two foreign languages were required to veil this shocking observation. * * * * * From a feuilleton ("dramatic, kinema and all other rights secured"):-- "So he just shook hands all round, and took off his coat, and lit a cigar, and laughed when Betty Cardon pointed out that he had put the wrong end of it in his mouth."--_Daily Paper._ This incident should "film" well. * * * * * SHOULD AUTHORS PUBLISH THEIR OWN PORTRAITS? [Mr. Punch herewith disclaims all intention of quoting the title of any actual book.] [Illustration: "A LATTER-DAY LOTHARIO."] [Illustration: "THE YOUNG CHARMERS."] [Illustration: "MY LIFE-WORK IN THE SLUMS."] [Illustration: "THE WOMAN WITH A PURPLE PAST."] [Illustration: "THE LYRE OF LOVE."] [Illustration: "HALF-HOURS WITH BUNYAN."] [Illustration: "COURT LIFE FROM THE INSIDE."] [Illustration: "STAGE DEPORTMENT FOR AMATEURS."] [Illustration: "WHAT PHYSICAL CULTURE HAS DONE FOR ME."] * * * * * [Illustration: BEHIND THE SCENES IN CINEMA-LAND. "MY DEAR MISS MONTEITH, COULDN'T YOU GIVE US A MORE APPROPRIATE EXPRESSION? DON'T FORGET YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE STEPPING FROM THE TOP OF ONE SKY-SCRAPER TO ANOTHER, SO DO TRY AND LOOK JUST A LITTLE PEEVISH."] * * * * * SEASIDE ISSUES. "This summer," said Suzanne, "we must take the bull by the forelock." "Dearest wife," I cried, "at your age you must not dream of joining in such dangerous sports. Besides I don't think the summer is quite the season for Spain." "Who's talking about Spain? And what is this insinuation about my age? But a few short years have sped since you took me from the schoolroom----" "Where you _would_ mix up the proverbs in your copy-book. But let us get back to our starting-point; what exactly is it you meditate doing this summer--if any?"