I'm Going to have a delectable time; Though in previous years I've been hustled about, And they've driven me mad till I had to go out, Without flurry or worry this year I shall stay And know just where to look for my book ev'ry day; It's the finest of schemes; It's a blessing, a miracle; Spring of my dreams, I can't _help_ growing lyrical Over this quite unbelievable thing-- Glorious Spring! This Is a song of unqualified bliss; I have never sung quite such a song in my life; I have nothing but jeers for the tears of my wife; She may moan, she may groan, she may weep and grow wild, But the Spring shall remain undisturbed, undefiled, Spring with a new and more beautiful meaning, Spring as it ought to be, Spring without cleaning; Halcyon days! Oh, let us raise Shouts of thanksgiving and paeans of praise. Join me, O men. Bound the world let it ring-- _Exquisite_ Spring! * * * * * "The Town Clerk said that Kilkenny coal, or coal raised elsewhere in Ireland, was uncontrollable."--_Irish Paper._ Like most other things in that country. * * * * * "CUSTOMERS IN LONDON.--Hardly creditable, yet true; we satisfy them; let us satisfy you. ---- Laundry."--_Scotch Paper._ On the contrary, we think it most creditable. * * * * * [Illustration: OCCASIONAL COMRADES. MR. ASQUITH. "AS I WAS SAYING THE OTHER DAY, 'THERE ARE MANY ROADS WE CAN TRAVEL SIDE BY SIDE.' THIS IS ONE OF THEM." LABOUR. "AH! AND AS YOU WERE ALSO SAYING ON VARIOUS OTHER OCCASIONS--'WAIT AND SEE.'"] * * * * * [Illustration: IT IS UNDERSTOOD THAT MR. NEIL MACLEAN AND MR. DAN IRVING HAVE DECIDED TO BOYCOTT THE HAIR-CUTTING INDUSTRY PENDING ITS NATIONALISATION.] * * * * * [Illustration: _The Addison Bird._ "BEAUTIFUL SPRING WEATHER, JOHN." _John Bullfinch._ "YES, MY DEAR. BUT YOU DON'T SERIOUSLY MEAN TO START BUILDING--WHAT?"] * * * * * ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. _Monday, March 22nd._--As if the condition of Ireland were not bad enough, Mr. CLEM EDWARDS sought to make our flesh creep by asking whether the Government had information that risings had been planned for Easter Monday, not only in that country but in Liverpool, Manchester and Glasgow as well. The PRIME MINISTER declined to answer the question, and was manifestly relieved when Mr. JACK JONES, with great tact, changed the subject by asking if a white blackbird had been caught that morning on Hackney Marshes.