[Illustration: _Mrs. Faulkner_ (_to District Visitor_). "NICELY, THANK YOU, MISS, EXCEPT FOR A POISONED 'AND. FOR THE REST OF 'EM, FATHER'S IN HOSPITAL, LITTLE FLORRIE'S SCALDED HERSELF AND BABY'S GOT THE WHOOPING-COUGH. IT BE A BLESSING THAT TROUBLES DON'T COME SINGLY OR ELSE THERE'D BE NO END TO IT."] * * * * * "Disputing Sergt. Alvan C. York's claim as the world war's greatest hero, Sergt. Mike Donaldson of New York has challenged the Tennessean to a debate on who is the greatest war hero."--_New Haven Journal-Courier (U.S.A.)_ Without waiting for the result of this unique contest Mr. Punch has no hesitation in saying that between them these warriors are responsible for the mightiest "blow" of the War. * * * * * [Illustration: _The Colonel_ (_at the end of his vocabulary_). "_WHAT_ DID LORD FISHER SAY IN 1919?"] * * * * * FROM THE DANCE WORLD. (_By our Ballet Expert._) _The Daily Graphic_ announces that Mr. ARNOLD BENNETT has "fallen a willing victim to the latest fashionable dances," and is having lessons in them "in the privacy of his Hanover Square home." A thousand entrancing possibilities are opened up by this bald announcement. We are content to supplement it by a few authentic details. Mr. BENNETT, who does nothing by halves, has mapped out a programme which will occupy his energies for at least two years. First comes the period of pupilship, which will last for six months. Then a year on the stage; then six months devoted to the composition of three novels and three plays, each with a Terpsichorean motive. Already, while engaged on his daily exercises, Mr. BENNETT has found time to revise the titles of some of his earlier works in keeping with his present aims, and two of these have now been appropriately rechristened _Anna Pavlova of the Five Towns_ and _Helen of the High Kick_. In the actual technique of his adopted art Mr. BENNETT has already shown extraordinary progress. The other day, while a wedding party was just about to leave St. George's, Hanover Square, Mr. BENNETT, who happened to be passing by, took a flying caracole clean over the Rolls-Royce which contained the happy pair. Those who witnessed the feat say that it eclipsed NIJINSKY in his most elastic mood. But Mr. BENNETT is not satisfied, and declined an invitation to appear at the Devonshire House Ball last week on the ground that his achievement does not yet square with his ambition. Moreover he has decided not to dance in public under his real name, but is not yet quite certain whether to choose the artistic pseudonym of Ben Netsky or Cinquecitta--probably the latter.