Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 158, 1920-04-28Various
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 158, 1920-04-28
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
How different from this sort was the type that could always be placated
by a glittering bayonet charge or a thoroughly smart salute! I remember
one of this kind who came charging across the landscape, his Staff
Captain at his heels, to a point where he saw a friend of mine
apparently lost in meditation and sloth. Unfortunately the great man's
horse betrayed him as he tried to jump a low hedge, and, when he had
clambered up again and arrived in a rather tumbled condition to ask
indignantly what had happened to the scouts, "They have established a
number of hidden observation posts," my friend replied, keeping his
presence of mind, "and are making an exact report of everything that
transpires on the enemy's front," and he waved his arm towards the scene
of the catastrophe. It was not thought necessary to examine their notes.
In France Brigadiers were mainly divided into the sort that came round
the front line themselves, and the sort that sent the Brigade-major or
somebody else who had broken out into a frontal inflammation to do it
for them. It is difficult to say which _genus_ was the more alarming.
The first was apt to exhibit its contempt for danger by strolling about
in perilous places for five minutes and leaving them to be shelled in
consequence for a week.
The second sort was apt to issue orders depending for fulfilment on a
faulty map reference or a landmark which had been carelessly removed by
an H.E. shell. One of the most _intransigeant_ of this kind whom I
remember could always, however, be softened by souvenirs; a cast-off
Uhlan's lance or the rifle of a Bosch sniper went far to console him for
the barrenness of a patrol report. I feel sure he must have faded at
Slough.
But it was in battle that their wild appetite for information was most
amazingly displayed. At moments when nobody knew where anybody else was
or whether the ground underneath him was likely to remain in that sector
more than a few moments or be detached and transferred to another, they
would send by telephone or by a runner wild messages for an exact
_resume_ of the situation. It was at such times, I think, that some of
those eminent war correspondents recently knighted would have done
yeoman service in the front line. I can imagine them telephoning
somewhat after this manner, in answer to the querulous voice:--
"All hell has broken loose in front of us. The earth
shivers as if a volcano is beneath our feet. The
pock-marked ridges in the distance are covered with the
advancing waves of field-grey forms. Our boys are going
up happily shouting and singing to the battle. Sorry, I
didn't quite catch what you said about being in touch on
the right. The brazen roar of the cannon is mingled with
the intermittent rattle of innumerable machine guns. Eh,
what? What?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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