"Well," the Archdeacon conceded, "I could not go so far as to say that her hearing is still perfect." The layman smiled his satisfaction. "In other words," he said, "she uses a trumpet?" The Archdeacon was silent. "She uses a trumpet, Sir? Admit it." "Now and then," said the Archdeacon, "my dear mother has recourse to that aid." "I knew it!" exclaimed the other. "My mother can hear every word. She goes to the theatre too. Now your mother would have to go to the cinema if she wished to be entertained." "My mother," said the Archdeacon, "would not be interested in the cinema" (he pronounced it ki-neema); "her mind is of a more serious turn." "My mother is young enough to be interested in anything," said the other. "And there is not one of her thirty-eight grandchildren of whose progress she is not kept closely informed." He leaned back with a gesture of triumph. "How many grandchildren did you say?" the Archdeacon inquired. "I didn't quite catch." "Thirty-eight," the other man replied. Across the cleric's ascetic features a happy smile slowly and conqueringly spread. "My mother," he said, "has fifty-two grandchildren. And now," he turned to me, "which of us would you say has won this entertaining contest?" "I should not like to decide," I said. "I am--fortunately perhaps for your mothers--no Solomon. My verdict is that both of you are wonderfully lucky men." E.V.L. * * * * * [Illustration: _Valetudinarian._ "I'VE GOT CIRRHOSIS OF THE LIVER, AN INCIPIENT CARBUNCLE ON MY NECK, INFLAMMATION OF THE DUODENUM, SEPTIC SORE THROAT AND GENERAL PROSTRATION." _Sympathetic Friend._ "WELL, AND HOW ARE YOU?"] * * * * * A KNOWING OLD BIRD. "Grey African Parrot ... every question fully answered; L10 or offers." --_Weekly Paper._ * * * * * OUR BOOKING-OFFICE. (_By Mr. Punch's Staff of Learned Clerks._)