"It's 'ere the finest scene in the fillum ought to 'appen. Imagine a crowd of defrauded an' infuriated soldiery, led by _Reginald_, marching up to the F.P. compound and demanding that the miserable _Blaney_ an' their stakes should be 'anded over to them. "'Never!' says the Provost-Sergeant, twirling his moustaches to needle points. "'As a sportsman I appeal to you,' says _Reginald_, 'or we'll wreck the blinkin' compound.' [Illustration: _Mabel_ (_to dentist_). "BE CAREFUL, WON'T YOU? I'M DREFFLY TICKLISH."] "'I'll not give him up while I have breath in my body,' says the Provost-Sergeant. 'I've drawn Chelsea in the sweep.' "Then should ensue the gloriousest shemozzle that ever was; but this scene is spoiled by some miserable perisher who says it ain't worth while making a rough house till they know who's won. What really happens is that they wait till the Sunday papers arrive, when it is found _Suzanne_ 'as won the sweep, 'er 'aving drawn Sunderland, what was top-scorer with seven goals. "It is then that _Reginald's_ noble nature shows itself. Instead of telling 'er that she's won an' then disappointing 'er by saying the prize money is in custody, 'e buys 'er ticket for 'alf-price. Then 'e goes to the compound an' bribes the sentry to let 'im talk to _Blaney_ through the barbed wire. "'There's the winning ticket, _Blaney_,' 'e says; 'now pay out.' "'Pay out?' says _Blaney_, grinning hideously. 'Why, what do you think I got into clink for?' "And the end comes with _Reginald_ stalking 'elplessly outside the wire, an' _Blaney_ laughing an' taunting 'im from inside." "I don't think much of it," said Chris critically. "I know that Slaney--'im what you call _Blaney_--did actually do you down real proper, but as a fillum it ain't a good ending." "P'r'aps it ain't--as it stands," admitted Chippo, "but when I'm demobilized--when _Reginald_ is demobilized, I should say, an' 'e 'appens to meet that _Jim Blaney_ there'll be the finest fillum finish that's ever been released, if the police don't interfere." * * * * * [Illustration: _Informative Visitor_ (_member of party viewing sights of London_). "'ERE Y'ARE, BOYS. ON OUR LEFT IS THE STATOO OF THE FAMOUS SINGER, ALBERT 'ALL, AND ON THE RIGHT WE 'AVE THE KENSINGTON GAS WORKS."] * * * * * THIS FOR REMEMBRANCE. [The Government is reported to have three million empty rum jars for sale.] I've long mused on buying a rifle, A chunk of an aeroplane's gear Or other belligerent trifle By way of a small souvenir; I've thought 'twould be fine (and your pardon I beg if this savours of swank) If the grotto that graces my garden Were topped by a tank.