Against the door the night winds rave Like outcast dogs, their lot deploring; Triumphant over wind and wave Rises my landlord's lusty snoring. PATLANDER. * * * * * "There was one summer when he lived by himself in a lonely old houseboat on the Thames, from which he paddled himself ashore every morning in a top-hat."--_Daily Paper._ The drawback to this kind of craft is that it only accommodates a single skull. * * * * * [Illustration: MANNERS AND MODES. MR. GILEAD P. BLOGGS (U.S.A.) ORDERS FOR HIS NEW DINING-ROOM AT PITTSBURGH A COLOSSAL PICTURE REPRESENTING A HOSPITABLE SIDEBOARD, TO KEEP ALIVE HIS MEMORIES OF "WET" AMERICA.] * * * * * [Illustration: _Accused_ (_just dismissed_). "MANY THANKS! WHAT SHOULD I HAVE DONE WITHOUT YOU?" _Counsel._ "OH, ABOUT SIX MONTHS."] * * * * * LITTLE BITS OF LONDON. BILLINGSGATE. In order to see Billingsgate properly in action it is necessary to get up at half-past four and travel on the Underground by the first train East, which is an adventure in itself. The first train East goes at three minutes past five, and there are large numbers of people who travel in it every day; by Charing Cross it is almost crowded. It is full of Bolshevists; and I do not wonder. One sits with one's feet up in a first-class carriage, clutching a nice cheap workman's ticket and trying hard to look as if, like the Bolshevists, one did this every day. On arriving at the Monument Station one walks briskly past the seductive announcement that "THE MONUMENT IS NOW OPEN," and plunges into a world of fish. I have never been able to understand why fish is so funny. On the comic stage a casual reference to fish is almost certain to provoke a shout of laughter; in practice, and especially in the mass, it is not so funny; it is like the Government, an inexhaustible source of humour at a distance, and in the flesh extraordinarily dull.