Produced by Punch, or the London Charivari, Lesley Halamek, Jonathan Ingram and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. VOLUME 158, Jan-Jul 1920 June 23, 1920. CHARIVARIA. Kieff has been retaken by the Bolshevists. It looks as if the Poles will have to win the place three times in succession before it becomes their own property. * * * Annoyed by a small boy who was sucking sweets and laughing a parson recently stopped in the middle of his sermon and refused to go on with it. We are informed that the boy in question has since received several tempting offers from other parishes. * * * A motorist, summoned the other week, admitted to having knocked three people down one day and two people the next. If only this progress can be steadily maintained! * * * Traffic in Finsbury Park was considerably delayed the other day by a crowd which collected in the main street in order to watch two bricklayers who had deliberately removed their coats. * * * A weekly paper states that the winding up of the Ministry of Munitions will not be completed until next year. After all it is just as well not to rush things. * * * "Only the small boy knows the joys of ice cream," says an evening paper. Inside information, we presume. * * * A New York writer thinks that a man with a large family of girls is fortunate. On the contrary, in these days, just as he gets the last one married off, the first gets a divorce and comes back home. * * * "The secret of health," said Professor DARSONVAL of the French Academy of Science, "is to walk on the toes." This is better than the plan adopted by Tube travellers of walking on other people's. * * * At the Business Exhibition there was shown a waistcoat-pocket calculator guaranteed to juggle with figures up to five thousand pounds. This should be just the thing for persons ordering dinner at a London restaurant. * * * "In 1924," says a contemporary, "Mars will be only thirty-five million miles from the earth." It has not yet been decided what can be done about it, but we understand that Lord NORTHCLIFFE has the matter in hand. * * * Scotland Yard is warning people against a man who perpetrates fraud by means of the telephone. It is to be hoped he will soon be captured so that the secret of how he gets through can be wrested from him. * * * "An expedition in search for gold," says a contemporary, "will leave Glasgow next week." In view of their object no surprise is felt that they have decided to leave Scotland. * * * Mr. ROBERT HYDE, a chemist of Pittsburg, claims to have obtained sugar from sawdust. This is not so very remarkable. Several people in this country have succeeded in obtaining sugar from a grocer. * * * "On July 1st," says an official notice, "all banks in the United Kingdom will be closed." To avoid disappointment, holders-up are requested to enter the date in their engagement books. * * *