The gun of the Longships Boomed out like a gong, "Ships Are bleating around me like sheep gone astray; There's fog in my channel As thick as grey flannel-- Boom-rumble!--I'm busy; excuse me, I pray." They winked at each other As brother to brother, Those red lights and white lights, the summer night through, And steered the stray tramps out Till dawn snuffed their lamps out And stained the sea-meadows all purple and blue. PATLANDER. * * * * * "Advertiser has Stole Skin, Russian Sables, for Sale."--_Daily Paper._ This is what comes of opening up trade relations with the Bolshevists. * * * * * A provincial firm announces that it supplies "distinctive clothing for men." And a very necessary thing, too, in these days of sex equality. * * * * * "EX-SOLDIER requires Loan of £100. What interest? No lenders."--_Daily Paper._ We should have thought "No interest! What lenders?" would have been more to the point. * * * * * [Illustration: SQUIRE.] [Illustration: ALMSHOUSE INMATE, LATE SQUIRE.] [Illustration: SECOND UNDER TWEENY AT THE HALL. (_See Squire_).] [Illustration: PLOUGHMAN HOMEWARD PLODDING HIS WEARY WAY.] [Illustration: VILLAGE SHOP PROPRIETOR.] [Illustration: OLDEST INHABITANT.] [Illustration: PARSON.] [Illustration: BIRD SCARER (D.S.O., M.C.).] [Among the Americans who will visit us this summer there may be some not familiar with our countryside types. Mr. Punch hopes the above will be useful.] * * * * * [Illustration: _The Ex-Plunger._ "CHUCK 'ORSES, MY SON--THEY'LL BE THE RUIN OF YER. I LORST A FORTUNE ON THE DURBY."] * * * * * HOW TO PACIFY IRELAND. (_By a Student of anti-Coalition Political Psycho-Analysis._) The announcement that a child of ten years old, recently described by the Willesden magistrate as "a remarkable example of a child kleptomaniac," has been handed over to an eminent specialist in psycho-pathology, has not yet received the attention that it undoubtedly demands. It is true that, in the beautifully alliterative phrase of one of our contemporaries, "with the exception of a penchant for petty peculations" the young offender "has always been a model girl, industrious and truthful," thus justifying the belief of the eminent specialist, that he could "wipe out the original sin" in her. But the child is mother to the woman, and those of us who have been gradually and conscientiously convinced of the total inadequacy of the Government's policy towards Ireland, cannot but recognise in this experiment an example which might be profitably followed in dealing with what--with all due deference to Hibernian susceptibilities--we are reluctantly driven to call the irregular conduct of certain sections of Irish society.