This is the way the sparrow calls his mate; He says it early and he says it late, He says it softly, but he says it clear: "Come unto me, come unto me, my dear." * * * * * DRESS AT THE CURZON WEDDING. "Princess ---- wore a black hat, a cloak of tailless ermine, and a black and silver toque." _Daily Telegraph._ "Then came Mrs. ---- in a dull golf hat." _Daily Graphic._ As a protest, we suppose, against the other lady's extravagance in wearing a couple of hats. *** "John ----, a coloured man, was charged with using obscure language in Maria Street. The magistrates fined him 5s."--_Welsh Paper._ Most unfair! Lots of men do the very same thing in Parliament and get paid four hundred pounds a year for it. *** Heading from pp. 516, 517 of _Punch's_ official rival, _The Telephone Directory_: "SUBSCRIBERS SHOULD NOT ENGAGE ****** THE TELEPHONISTS IN CONVERSATION." We should ourselves have placed the asterisks after the word "THE." * * * * * ROYAL ACADEMY--SECOND DEPRESSIONS. [Illustration: STUDY OF A CHILD, SOME GOATS AND A HORSE. THE HORSE IS FULL OF FIRE AND LOOKS AS IF HE HAD JUST SPRUNG FROM HIS ROCKERS.] [Illustration: "DOUBLE OR QUIT." A SPORTING OFFER BY A PROFITEERING LANDLORD.] [Illustration: _Fair Rosamond._ "OH, MY GOODNESS! IS THAT A DAGGER?" _Queen Elinor._ "QUITE RIGHT, BUT IT'S ONLY TO HEIGHTEN THE DRAMATIC EFFECT. I KNEW YOU WOULD PREFER POISON."] [Illustration: THE EXHAUSTED SITTER AND THE INEXORABLE ARTISTS.] [Illustration: PREHISTORIC PRIZE-FIGHTERS REMOVING A HEAVY-WEIGHT CHAMPION AFTER HIS DEFEAT.] [Illustration: WINDOW-DRESSING IS NOW ONE OF THE FINE ARTS. A CHARMING GROUP OF WAX FIGURES MADE TO THE ORDER OF MESSRS. WHITERIDGE.] [Illustration: _Excited Bather._ "SOMETHING QUEER ABOUT THESE ROCKS. ONE OF THEM IS TICKLING ME ON THE BACK!"] * * * * * AT THE PLAY. "WHY MARRY?" This is a protracted discussion of a venerable topic and takes place in a sun-parlour, which I regret to say is the brightest thing about it.