His face lighted with approval of the compliment and then the whole performance began over again. Once more the wheeze, the scrape, the screech, the tick and all the rest of it. I became terrified at these painful impediments in his speech. I remembered that somebody had once told me what to do on such occasions. It was either to throw the patient upon his back and move his arms up and down in a travesty of rowing or to slap him violently on the back. Seeing that the stranger was several times larger than myself I chose with diffidence the latter course. Rising to my feet I turned him round and thumped his back vigorously. He received the treatment with amiable smiles. Next he produced from his pocket a booklet, which he handed to me with a polite bow, desisting entirely from his menagerie noises. I am of a nervous temperament and needed some minutes' rest in which to collect myself. Then I began to examine the stranger's gift. It was a well-printed pamphlet, obviously an advertisement:-- "HOW TO LEARN FOREIGN LANGUAGES. _The One Truly Scientific Method._ The only way to acquire the real accent of the native is to listen repeatedly to the language spoken by a native. With our phonograph No. 0034 and a selection of suitable records the student may listen for as many hours daily as he chooses to the voice of a native speaking his own language." Lower down I saw: "Contents of Records. No. 1, At the Hotel; No. 2, At the Railway Station; No. 3, In the Train." Ah! there it was--the whole monologue:-- "Good morning, Sir. I am very pleased to meet you. Can you tell me----?" The explanation relieved me; I turned to my fellow-traveller. "My dear Sir," said I, "I congratulate you on being the perfect pupil. Your teacher, could it feel such emotions, would be proud of you. Only to an exceptional student can it be given so faithfully to reproduce 'His Master's Voice.'" * * * * * FIGURE-HEADS. "You never see a decent figure-'ead, Not now," Bill said; "A fiddlin' bit o' scrollwork at the bow, That's the most now; But Lord! I've seen some beauties, more 'n a few, An' some rare rum uns too. "Folks in all sorts o' queer old-fashioned rigs, Fellers in wigs, Chaps in cocked 'ats an' 'elmets, lords an' dukes. Folks out o' books, Niggers in turbans, mandarins an' Moors, And 'eathen gods by scores; "An' women in all kinds o' fancy dresses-- Queens an' princesses, Witches on broomsticks too, an' spankin' girls With streamin' curls, An' dragons an' sea serpents--Lord knows what I've seen an' what I've not! "An' some's in breakers' yards now, thick with grime And weathered white wi' time; An' some stuck up in gardens 'ere an' there With plants for 'air; An' no one left as knows but chaps like me How fine wi' paint an' gold they used to be In them old days at sea." C. F. S.