must be taken as a remarkable instance of literary foresight, for crowds of people have for years been trying in vain to trample the brave bird down and have evidently been hungry, or they would never have left so much sandwich-paper about. Oh, and there is yet one more notable resident of Hampstead, as you have doubtless just gathered, and that is myself, or will be if those accursed----but another time, perhaps. EVOE. * * * * * [Illustration: _Conductor (to alighting passenger, who has rung the bell several times)._ "THAT'LL DO, MY BANANA QUEEN. ONE RING IS SUFFICIENT--NOT 'THE BLUE BELLS OF SCOTLAND.'"] * * * * * A PLEA TO THE EXCHEQUER. Less gifted souls may seek an earthly mate; Lonely for ever I am doomed to be, For all my life to Art is dedicate; Yea, Art for mine or (speaking English) me. I've put away the commonplace delights Of humbler folk to brood on things sublime; Rapt and aloof I ever tread the heights, Thinking great thoughts and getting words to rhyme. Maidens have passed before me, but no bride Among them all have I essayed to choose; Sternly I've put the thought of love aside, An austere poet "wedded to the Muse." But now of one small guerdon I am fain (A poet's solace for the love he lacks)-- That this may qualify me to attain The married man's relief from income-tax. * * * * * Commercial Candour. "AMAZING SHOE OFFER. LAST SEVEN DAYS." _Advt. in Daily Paper._ We know this kind of shoe. * * * * * "Parrot, splendid talker, South African grey, in perfect condition; good reason for selling; does not swear."--_Provincial Paper._ Tastes differ, of course; but personally we should not call this a "good" reason. * * * * * THE TARTAR PRINCESS. She was staying at a Finnish hydro near Helsingfors. I asked for her on the telephone and her old mother answered. "Is it you, Monsieur Anatole? Fancy ringing up so early--twelve o'clock! Of course Tatiana is in bed. One can see you have been away from your native country a long time. We left Petersburg three months ago. Come and see us at a reasonable time--say three o'clock--and we'll tell you all about it." My two years' sojourn in England had accustomed me to English ways. I had certainly committed an indiscretion in ringing up my former clients (I was their legal adviser in Petersburg) at such an unconscionable time. I found Tatiana, in a smart black glace gown, reclining on a sofa and smoking a cigarette in a dull sitting-room, surrounded by other Russian _emigres_. She jumped up when she saw me.