The fundamental mistake of the British drama of to-day lies, in my humble opinion, in its perpetual striving after the unexpected. The public, such as I have described it, fights shy of novel situations; it isn't sure how they ought to be taken. But give it a play where it knows exactly what is going to happen next and you are rewarded with the delighted applause that comes of prophecy fulfilled. The thrill or chuckle of anticipation is succeeded by the shudder or guffaw of realisation. Father nudges Mother and says, "Look, Emma, he's going to fall into the flour-bin." He does fall into the flour-bin, and Father slaps his own or Mother's knee with a roar of triumph. After all, the old dramatic formulae were not drawn up without a profound knowledge of human nature. Let managers take a lesson from these few observations and they will no longer go about seeking an answer to the riddle, "Why did the cocoanut shy?" * * * * * THE BEST LAID SCHEMES. [A contemporary declares that the side-car stands unrivalled as a matchmaker. It would seem, however, that opinion on the subject is not unanimous.] We motored together, the maiden and I, And I was delighted to take her, For, frankly, I wanted my side-car to try Its skill as a little matchmaker; Though up to that time I had striven my best, I'd more than a passing suspicion The spark I was anxious to light in her breast Still suffered from faulty ignition. We started betimes in the promptest of styles For scenes that were rustic and quiet; I opened the throttle; we ate up the miles (A truly exhilarant diet); Till sharply, as over a common we went, Gorse-clad (or it may have been heather), The engine stopped short with a tactful intent To leave the young couple together. 'Twas instinct (I take it) directing my course That named as my first occupation A fruitless endeavour to track to its source The cause of this sudden cessation; And so I had tinkered with tools for a space Ere I thought of my favourite poet, And said to myself, "Lo! the time and the place And the loved one in unison; go it." I might have remembered man seldom appears Alluring in look or in manner With a smut on his nose, oleaginous ears And frenziedly clutching a spanner; Though down by the cycle I fell to my knees And ported my heart for inspection, I only received for my passionate pleas A curt and conclusive rejection. * * * * * "Gentlewoman, good family, small means, musical, devoted to parish work, wishes to correspond with clergyman with view to being 'an helpmeet for him.'"--_Church Times._ The _Matrimonial News_ must look to its laurels. * * * * * "The Picturedrome, ----, and ---- Cinema, have been acquired by a London Syndicate, in which are several gentlemen."--_Provincial Paper._