Of curse the typewriter itself is not wolly giltless 1/2ike all mac&ines it has amind of it sown and is of like passsions with ourselves. i could put that into greek if only the machine was not so hopelessly MOdern. it 's chief failing is that it cannot write m'sdecently and instead of h it will keep putting that confounded L. as amatter of fact ithas been doing m's rather better today butthat is only its cusssedussedness and because i have been opening my shoul ders wenever we have come to an m; or should it be A m? who can tell; little peculiuliarities like making indifferent m's are very important & wLen one is bying a typewiter one sLould make careful enquiries about themc; because it is things of that sort wich so often give criminals away. there is notHing a detective likes so much as a type riter with an idiosxz an idioynq damit an idiotyncrasy . for instance if i commit a murder i sLould not thinq of writing a litter about it with this of all typewriters becusa because that fool ofa L would give me away at once I daresay scotland Yard have got specimens of my trypewriting locked up in some pigeonhole allready. if they Lavent they ought to; it ought to be part of my dosossier. i thing the place of the hypewriter in ART is inshufficiently apreciated. Modern art i understand is chiefly sumbolical expression and straigt lines. a typwritr can do strait lines with the under lining mark) and there are few more atractive symbols thaN the symbols i have used in this articel; i merely thro out the sugestion I dont tkink i shal do many more articles like this it is tooo much like work? but I am glad I have got out of that L habit; A.P.L. * * * * * "PRISON FOR FLAT LANDLORDS."--_Evening Paper._ Good. But is nothing going to be done about the landlords with round figures? * * * * * "With favourable weather, Thatcham can look forward to a pre-war show this year."--_Local Paper._ Apparently Thatcham carries its eyes in the back of its head. [Illustration: A SEA-VIEW OF THE SITUATION. INDIGNANT LODGING-HOUSE KEEPER. "AND TO THINK OF THAT THERE ERIC WANTING TO SQUEEZE THE POOR HOLIDAY-MAKERS BEFORE I GETS AT 'EM."] * * * * * [Illustration: _Outraged Batsman._ "JARGE, OI DO BELIEVE YOU'M BOWLIN' DELIBERATE AT MOI GAMMY LEG." _Jarge (feeling that something ought to be said)._ "WHY, WILLYUM, OI THOUGHT THEY WAS BOTH GAMMY."] * * * * * ELIZABETH GOES ON HOLIDAY. "Please, 'm, may I go for my 'olidays a week come Thursday?" asked Elizabeth. She was evidently labouring under some strong excitement, for she panted as she spoke and so far forgot herself in her agitation as to take up the dust in the hall instead of sweeping it under the mat.