"Mr. James Milfly has been granted his wife's authority to wear on his watch-chain the bronze medal of the Blimpham Horticultural Society, won by his exhibit of a very large marrow at the society's recent show." "Maria, Mrs. Murdon, is visiting her son-in-law, Mr. James Milfly. Her stay is likely to be a lengthy one." "Mr. James Milfly will spend the greater part of to-morrow in London. No letters will be forwarded." Try this for yourself. You have no idea what a sense of pomp and well-fed importance it gives you. * * * * * [Illustration: _Kirk Elder._ "MAN, I'M SHOCKED TAE HEAR YOU'RE GAUN TAE GET MARRIT TAE A LASSIE O' NINETEEN." _Angus._ "OCH, SHE'S THE SAME AGE AS MA FIRRST WIFE WHEN I MARRIT _HER_."] * * * * * "THE WEATHER. 'Fair generally: night frosts,' is the forecast for the next 24 months."--_Provincial Paper._ The best news for a long time. * * * * * HOW TO BRIGHTEN VILLAGE LIFE. "The exterior painting of the day school has been completed by the Vicar, assisted by the caretaker. Their appearance is greatly improved as a result."--_Provincial Paper._ * * * * * "---- HOTEL DINING-ROOM. OPEN TO NON-RESIDENTS WITH ORCHESTRAL ACCOMPANIMENT."--_Jersey Paper._ Residents, we understand, need only bring their mouth (and other) organs. * * * * * "Wanted, 'Cello (could reside in if desired)."--_Provincial Paper._ The housing problem solved at last. * * * * * Smith Minor says he would rather be called Smith Secundus. There is a pleasanter sound about that qualification just now. * * * * * AT THE PLAY. "A Night Out." Everybody except myself seems to recall the fact that the late farce of this name, adapted from _L'Hotel du Libre Echange_, ran for five hundred nights before it expired. Some restorative music has now been applied to it and the corpse has revived. Indeed there are the usual signs of another long run. The trouble is that nearly all the cast at the Winter Garden Theatre seem to think that, if the play is to run, they must run too. They don't keep still for a moment, because they dare not. Even Mr. LESLIE HENSON, whose fun would be more effective if he didn't try so hard, feels that he must be at top pressure all the while with his face and his body and his words. Yet he could well afford to keep some of his strength in reserve, for he is a born humourist (in what one might perhaps call the Golliwog vein). But, whether it is that he underrates his own powers or that he can't contain himself, he keeps nothing in reserve; and the others, less gifted, follow his lead. They persist in "pressing," as if they had no confidence in their audience or their various authors or even themselves.