For instance, lately I resigned A trip to Shetland to be shettled; Your menace made me change my mind: "The further outlook is unsettled." Henceforth I'm going to defy You and your breed, inert, unmettled, Who chant that sad Cassandra cry: "The further outlook is unsettled." Ay, if I held untrammelled sway I'd have you bottled up and kettled Like djinns, until you ceased to say: "The further outlook is unsettled." * * * * * [Illustration: MAJOR-GENERAL X AT THE FRONT IN 1918--] [Illustration: AND ON THE BRIGHTON ROAD IN 1920.] * * * * * PIGS. "Pigs pays," said Mrs. Pugsley. "So I have heard." "Pigs always pays; but Pugsley's pigs pays prodigious." I rejoiced with her. "Took 'em up sudden, he did; and now that interested! You'd never think that pigs 'ld twine themselves round a man's heart, so to speak, would you?" "No." "That's how it is with Willum. Reads nothing but about pigs; they'm his only joy. In partnership with Uncle Eli over them. First time Uncle Eli took to anything wholesome in his life. When Willum loses a pig he's that low that he puts on a black tie. Wonnerful!" It was. I knew Willum, otherwise Uncle Billy, and something about his tastes. I had the pleasure of meeting him on the foreshore that afternoon. No doubt he was studying pigs; but the title of the book he had in his hand was _Form at a Glance_. "Pig form, I presume," said I politely. "Now then, Missie, don't go giving me away. All's lovely at home. Me and Uncle Eli has clubbed together to buy Bodger's racing tips. Bodger's got brain. Doing very well, we are. Sure, I can't tell the missus, and she a Plymouth Rock." "Isn't it Plymouth Sister?" "Maybe; but I think there's a rock in it somewhere. Anyway we agreed when we married to keep our purses in the same drawer, and mine's bulging." "You are a brave man, Uncle Billy. What about the day she will want to see your pigs?" "A thought that wakes me at night. We keep 'em out in the country, I'd have you know. There, why take a fence before you come to it? There'll be wisdom given." Apparently there was, but the address from which the wisdom came was indistinct. "Willum," said Mrs. Pugsley one day, "to-morrow I'm coming to see they pigs of yours; bless their fat sides!" "You shall, my tender dear," said Uncle Billy. "Yes, to-morrow noon you'll see the blessed things." Almost at dawn he presented himself at Farmer Dodge's and astonished that good man by asking to be allowed to hire a few pigs for the day. Farmer Dodge scratched his head. "Well, I've been asked to loan out most things in my time, but never pigs before. Where be taking them?" "Home."