"Man's original evolution from the anthropoid apes ... becomes a reasonable hypothesis, especially when we think of the semi-naked savages who inhabited these islands when Julius Caesar landed on our shores, and our present Prime Minister."--_Church Family Newspaper._ * * * * * "The contemplated aerial expedition to the South Pole will start in October. Aeroplanes and airships will be used, and the object of the trip is to study magnetic wages."--_Irish Paper._ Incidentally it is expected a new altitude record may be achieved. * * * * * [Illustration: TARTARIN DANS LES INDES. BOTH (_together_). "TIENS! LE TIGRE!" [M. CLEMENCEAU has just sailed for India after big game.]] * * * * * [Illustration: _The Wife (peeved at husband going off to football match on the anniversary of their wedding-day_). "'AVE YOU FORGOTTEN WHAT 'APPENED THIS DAY SEVEN YEARS AGO?" _The Husband_. "FORGOTTEN? NOT LIKELY, OLD GIRL. WHY, THAT WAS THE DAY BOLTON ROVERS BEAT ASTON UNITED FIVE--NOTHING."] * * * * * NEW RHYMES FOR OLD CHILDREN. THE SNAIL. The life of the snail is a fight against odds, Though fought without fever or flummox; You see, he is one of those gasteropods Which have to proceed on their stomachs. Just think how you'd hate to go round on your own, Especially if it was gummy, And wherever you travelled you left on a stone The horrid imprint of your tummy! Wherever you hid, by that glutinous trail Some boring acquaintance would follow; And this is the bitter complaint of the snail Who is pestered to death by the swallow. But remember, he carries his house on his back, And that is a wonderful power; When he goes to the sea he has nothing to pack, And he cannot be caught in a shower. After all there is something attractive in that; And then he can move in a minute, And it's something to have such a very small flat That nobody else can get in it. But this is what causes such numbers of snails To throw themselves into abysses:-- They are none of them born to be definite males And none of them definite misses. They cannot be certain which one of a pair Is the Daddy and which is the Mummy; And that must be even more awful to bear Than walking about on your tummy. A.P.H. * * * * * "MOTHER OF 13 HAS TRIPLETS."--_Daily Paper._ The unlucky age. * * * * * SEPTEMBER IN MY GARDEN.