Produced by Jonathan Ingram, Lesley Halamek and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. VOL. 159. November 3rd, 1920. CHARIVARIA. "After all," asks a writer, "why shouldn't Ireland have a Parliament, like England?" Quite frankly we do not like this idea of retaliation while more humane methods are still unexplored. * * * "The miners' strike," says a music-hall journal, "has given one song-writer the idea for a ragtime song." It is only fair to say that Mr. SMILLIE had no idea that his innocent little manoeuvre would lead to this. * * * The Admiralty does not propose to publish an official account of the Battle of Jutland. Indeed the impression is gaining ground that this battle will have to be cancelled. * * * We are asked to deny that, following upon the publication of _Mirrors of Downing Street_, by "A Gentleman with a Duster," Lord KENYON is about to dedicate to Sir CLAUDE CHAMPION DE CRESPIGNY a book entitled _A Peer with a Knuckle-Duster_. * * * "Mr. Lloyd George seems to have had his hair 'bobbed' recently," says a gossip-writer in a Sunday paper. Mr. HODGES still sticks to the impression that it was really two-bobbed. * * * "Cigars discovered in the possession of Edward Fischer, in New York," says a news item, "were found to contain only tobacco." Very rarely do we come across a case like that in England. * * * "Water," says a member of the L.C.C., "is being sold at a loss." But not in our whisky, we regret to say. * * * What is claimed to be the largest shell ever made has been turned out by the Hecla Works, Sheffield. It may shortly be measured for a war to fit it. * * * A taxi-driver who knocked a man down in Gracechurch Street has summoned him for using abusive language. It seems a pity that pedestrians cannot be knocked down without showing their temper like this. * * * After months of experiment at Thames Ditton the question of an artificial limb of light metal has been solved. It is said to be just the thing for Tube-travellers to carry as a spare. * * * In connection with Mr. PRINGLE'S recent visit to Ireland we are asked to say that he was not sent there as a reprisal. * * * Mr. GEORGE LANSBURY recently told a Poplar audience why he went to Australia many years ago. No explanation was offered of his return. * * * A coal-porter summoned for income-tax at West Ham Police Court said that his wages averaged eight hundred pounds a year. We think it only fair to say that there must be labouring men here and there who earn even less than that. * * * "The thief," says a weekly paper report, "entered the house by way of the front-door." We can only suppose that the burglars' entrance was locked at the time. * * * A small boy, born in a Turkish harem, is said to have forty-eight step-mothers living. Our office-boy, however, is still undefeated in the matter of recently defunct grandmothers. * * *