_Caller._ "IS MRS. JONES AT HOME?" _Cook-General._ "SHE IS, BUT SHE AIN'T 'ARDLY IN A FIT STATE TO SEE ANYBODY. SHE'S JUST BIN GIVIN' ME NOTICE."] * * * * * =THE CRY OF THE ADULT AUTHOR.= [The "Diarist" of _The Westminster Gazette_, in the issue of October 25th, utters a poignant _cri de coeur_ over what he regards as one of the great tragedies of the time--the crowding-out of the "genuine craftsmen" of journalism and letters by Cabinet Ministers, notoriety-mongers and, above all, by sloppy infant prodigies.] Oh, bitter are the insults And bitter is the shame Heaped on deserving authors Of high and strenuous aim, When all the best booksellers Their shelves and windows cram With novels from the nursery And poems from the pram. In recent Autumn seasons Writers of age mature (From eighteen up to thirty) Of sympathy were sure; _Now_ publishers their portals On everybody slam Save novelists from the nursery And poets from the pram. Unfairly WINSTON CHURCHILL Invades the Sunday sheets; Unfairly MRS. ASQUITH With serious scribes competes; But these are minor evils-- What makes me cuss and damn Are novels from the nursery And poems from the pram. When on the concert platform The prodigy appears I do not grudge his welcome, The clappings and the cheers; But I can't forgive the people Who down our throats would cram The novelists from the nursery, The poets from the pram. I met a (once) best seller, And I took him by the hand, And asked, "How's OPAL WHITELEY And how does DAISY stand?" He answered, "I can only See sloppiness and sham In novels from the nursery And poems from the pram." If I were only despot, To end this painful feud I'd banish straight to Mespot The scribbling infant brood, And bar the importation, By that hustler, Uncle Sam, Of novels from the nursery And poems from the pram. * * * * * From an account of Sir J. FORBES-ROBERTSON'S _debut_:-- "It was interesting to remember that in the audience on that occasion were Dante, Gabriel, Rossetti and Algernon Charles Swinburne."--_Provincial Paper._ The archangel was a great catch. * * * * * "When the Royal Cream horses were dispersed from the royal stables, one or two golf clubs made an endeavour to get one of these fine animals, and Ranelagh and Sandy Lodge were fortunate to secure them. The horses look fine on the course behind the mower." _Evening Paper._ Shoving, we suppose, for all they are worth. * * * * * =EUCLID IN REAL LIFE.=