* * * A curate of Bedford Park has had his bicycle stolen from the church, and as there were a number of people in the congregation it is difficult to know whom to blame. * * * "Shall Onkie Live?" asks a _Daily Mail_ headline. We don't know who he is, but he certainly has our permission. We cannot, however, answer for Mr. BOB WILLIAMS. * * * With reference to the complaint that a City man made about his telephone, we are pleased to say that a great improvement is reported. The instrument was taken away the other day. * * * Discussing the remuneration of Cabinet Ministers a contemporary doubts whether they get what they deserve. This only goes to prove that we are a humane race. * * * Hatters say that the price of rabbit skins is likely to ruin the trade. Meanwhile the mere act of getting the skins is apt to ruin the rabbit. * * * "Mine," says General TOWNSHEND, "was a mission which NAPOLEON would have refused." We doubt, however, if Lord NORTHCLIFFE is to be drawn like that. * * * Dr. E. HALFORD ROSS, of Piccadilly, is of the opinion that coal contains remarkable healing powers. Quite a number of people contemplate buying some of the stuff. * * * "What does milk usually contain?" asks a weekly paper. We can only say it wouldn't be fair for us to reply, as we know the answer. * * * * * [Illustration: _Small Boy at Tailor's (to father, who seems to be impressed with "Jazz" tweed_). "I SAY, DAD, GO SLOW. REMEMBER WHO'S GOT TO WEAR IT AFTER YOU'VE FINISHED WITH IT."] * * * * * =An Indomitable Spirit.= "Mr. ----'s tank held only ---- Spirit during the whole climb and not satisfied with climbing _up_ Snowdon Mr. ---- then drove down again." _Motoring Paper_. * * * * * "WHY I DIDN'T GO TO THE BAR. By Horatio Bottomley." "_John Bull_" _Poster_. Perhaps it was after hours. * * * * * "This upset Mr. Chesterton, a patriotic, beer-eating Englishman."--_Sunday Paper_. We deplore the modern tendency to pry into the details of an author's dietary. * * * * * "What the word 'Democracy' was intended to mean was that every man should have to betrTcOshrdluesthafaodfabadofgarfaf." _Local Paper_. We have long suspected this. * * * * * "MILWAUKEE.--Fourteen cases of whiskey, a large quantity of brandies, gin and wines were found stored in a bathhouse. It will be presented to the federal grand jury for action." _Canadian Paper_. Not the obvious form of "direct action," we trust. * * * * * =HOW TO VITALISE THE DRAMA.= _A hint of what might be done by following the example of the Press_.