When the Man of Insurance made his rounds I "covered" my house for a thousand pounds; Then someone started a fire in the grounds At the end of a wild carouse. The building was burnt; I made my claim And the Man of Insurance duly came. Said he, "Always Our Company pays Without any fuss or grouse; But your home was rotted from drains to flues; I therefore offer you as your dues Seven hundred pounds or, if you choose, A better and brighter house." I took the money; I need not say What abuse I hurled at his head that day; But, when he began in his artful way To talk of Insurance (Life), And asked me to take out a policy for My conjugal partner, my _cordium cor_, "No, no," said I, "If my spouse should die We should enter again into strife; You would come and say at the funeral, 'Sir, Your wife was peevish and plain; for her I offer six hundred or, if you prefer, A better and brighter wife.'" * * * * * THE HAPPY GARDENER. (_Extracts from a Synthetic Diary a la mode._) _November 11th._--Now is the time to plant salsify, or the vegetable oyster, as it has been aptly named from its crustacean flavour so dear to herbaceous boarders. This may be still further accentuated by planting it in soil containing lime, chalk or other calcareous or sebaceous deposits. Hedgehogs are now in prime condition for baking, but it is desirable to remove the quills before entrusting the animal to the oven. But the hedgehog cannot be cooked until he is caught, and his capture should not be attempted without strong gloves. Those recently invented by Lord THANET are far the best for the purpose. It is a moot point among culinary artists whether the hedgehog should be served _en casserole_ or in _coquilles_; but these are negligible details when you are steeped in the glamour of pale gold from a warm November sun, and mild air currents lag over the level leagues where the water is but slightly crimped and the alighting heron is lost among the neutral tints that envelop him.... Though the sun's rays are not now so fervent as they were in the dog-days, gardening without any headgear is dangerous, especially in view of the constant stooping. For the protection of the _medulla_ nothing is better than the admirable hat recently placed on the market by the benevolent enterprise of a great newspaper. But an effective substitute can be improvised out of a square yard of linoleum lined with cabbage-leaves and fastened with a couple of safety-pins.