* * * * * M. PASTEUR is the man for the successful treatment of hydrophobia. Does the Australasian Government appeal to him for assistance because it finds itself in a rabbit state? * * * * * O'BRIEN'S BREECHES. (_Humbly imitated from Henry Luttrel's "Burnham Beeches."_) A Bard, dear Muse, who pluck would sing, Your friendly aid beseeches. Help me to touch the lyric string On--brave O'BRIEN'S breeches! What though the splendour of my lines To SWINBURNE'S height ne'er reaches? The theme, if not the thrummer, shines; That theme's--O'BRIEN'S breeches! They wouldn't let O'BRIEN talk, Or make "seditious" speeches. They quodded him, his plans to baulk, And--tried to bag his breeches! But brave O'BRIEN'S blood did burn (Say, who his pluck impeaches?) He up and swore in accents stern, "I _won't_--wear convict breeches!" Those gaolers deep about him hung, They stuck to him like leeches. But he, the eloquent of tongue, Stuck to--O'BRIEN'S breeches! If "sermons be in stones," I'll bet A prison patience teaches. The prisoner to bed must get; They watched--and boned his breeches! The captive of the cold complains, His breechless bones it reaches. But yield? No, rather he remains In bed--without his breeches! In vain the prison-clothes they show; Badge of dishonour each is. Patriots prefer to lie below Bed-clothes--without their breeches! But friends unto the dungeon hie, No gaoler marks (or peaches), They hand O'BRIEN, on the sly, _Another_ pair of breeches! Black BALFOUR'S myrmidons are fooled! A lesson high this teaches: A plucky people is not ruled By--stealing patriot's breeches! BRIAN BORU they sang of yore, But when her goal she reaches, Erin will sing, from shore to shore, O'BRIEN--and his breeches! Her bards will praise the patriot true, His long and fiery speeches, His bearding BALFOUR'S brutal crew; But, above all,--his breeches! Oh, ne'er may the potheen pass round But--Erin so beseeches-- The Isle may with one theme resound,-- O'BRIEN--and his breeches! Hold! Though I'd fain be jingling on, One rhyme, experience teaches, You can't ring on for aye! I've done. Farewell, O'BRIEN'S breeches! * * * * * The Shakspearian Question. _An Actor's opinion on the Bacon v. Shakspeare controversy, expressed in a strictly professional cryptogrammatic style._ "SHAKSPEARE written by a chap called BACON, my boy? Very likely; I always found 'lots of fat' in it." _Another (at Brighton, by an Ancient Mariner who sticks to the "Old Ship")._ "BACON wrote SHAKSPEARE? Well, perhaps he did. He was a clever chap, was dear old ARTHUR BACON; but still, somehow, I don't think he wrote SHAKSPEARE. At least not all of it." * * * * * [Illustration: INTERIORS AND EXTERIORS. No. 54. THE PARLIAMENTARY CATTLE-SHOW.]