SIR C. WARREN. "OH, YOU'RE ALL RIGHT, MY LORD,--YOU'RE NOT A 'PROCESSION'--YOU'RE A 'SHOW.' _YOU_ WON'T 'TERRORISE THE INHABITANTS'!!"] * * * * * [Illustration: "NOBLESSE OBLIGE." _Old Friend._ "HULLO, DICK! HOW ARE YOU? I WISH YOU'D COME AND DINE WITH ME TO-NIGHT. BUT NOW YOU'RE A LORD, I SUPPOSE I MUSTN'T CALL YOU DICK ANY LONGER, OR EVEN ASK YOU TO DINNER?" _Noble Earl (who has just come into his Title)._ "LORD BE BLOWED! LEND ME A FIVER, AND YOU MAY CALL ME WHAT YOU LIKE--AND I'LL DINE WITH YOU INTO THE BARGAIN!"] * * * * * SCARLETINA AT TRURO. The æsthetic Archbishop BENSON has an eye for colour. At Truro, the _Times_ report says, "he wore his scarlet robe and train, which, as he moved from place to place in the Cathedral"--very restless of him, by the way--"was upborne by two little acolytes clad in scarlet cassocks and dainty surplices of lawn, and wearing tiny scarlet caps upon their heads." The Archbishop is the big scarlet, and the tiny acolytes might be called the scarletini. And to think that years ago this sudden outbreak of archiepiscopal brilliancy would have been inveighed against as trifling with the "Scarlet Lady." H.R.H. made an excellent speech on the occasion, and, with the effect of colour still in his memory, he could not resist reminding the æsthetic Dr. BENSON that "seven years and a half ago"--nothing like being exact--"he (H.R.H.) was enabled to lay the foundation stone of this Cathedral with Masonic honours." "Archbishop in scarlet, forsooth! scarlet tiny acolytes!" (such was evidently the rebuke conveyed in H.R.H.'s speech)--"you should just see Me as Most Worshipful Grand Master, with my Wardens, Deacons, Chaplains, and Tylers! Why, in comparison with that blaze of splendour, you and your scarlet are nowhere. However, Ladies and Gentlemen, I came here on this occasion, not 'to oblige BENSON,' but to visit this ancient Duchy in my popular character of Duke of CORNWALL. _Au revoir._" * * * * * Monsignor PERSICO, _Truth_ says, stayed with Archbishop CROKE, and dined with the witty and popular Father JAMES HEALY, P.P. of Little Bray. Well, Monsignor PERSICO must have heard a great deal of croke-ing, but let us hope he has got some remedies for healy-ing the wounds of the distressful country from _Mr. Punch's_ good friend, Father JAMES, of Little Bray, and precious little bray about him. * * * * * A MYSTERIOUS PAPER. The near approach of Christmas, with its fireside stories, has suggested the following list of questions for examination that may be put to himself by any intending _raconteur_. As he may be sure that if he can tackle them satisfactorily he will be able effectually to enchain any family circle he may come across during the coming festive season, he may be safely recommended to go at them in all confidence:--