Many terrible things have our patriots seen; They have seen their dear DIZZY extending the suffrage, And versatile GLADSTONE a-wearing the Green, And HARCOURT defending Home Rule and the rough-rage; And Disintegration approaching our realm, And Rads--so they fancy--inviting invaders; But that which their souls must with woe most o'erwhelm Is--Lord RANDOLPH CHURCHILL a-chaffing Fair Traders! * * * "'_Jam' satis,_" as our Schoolmaster had just breath enough to murmur when he escaped from out of the midst of a Socialist Meeting in Trafalgar Square. * * * Unfortunately, the great enemy of the Teetotal Temperance Societies is--the British "Public." * * * * * MANNERS AND CUSTOMS OF THE CITY OF LONDON. (_A Contribution towards a Future History, by Macaulay Stiggins, C. C._) [Illustration] The LORD MAYOR was the first Privy Councillor created, and has remained so ever since that auspicious event. On the death of the Monarch, he presides at the meeting that is immediately summoned, and appoints the new Cabinet, generally from the members of the late Government, but on one memorable occasion he appointed all the members of the Court of Aldermen who had passed the Chair, and although they were afterwards induced to resign, it was noticed that during their short administration matters went on much as usual. This was called the Cabinet of Absolute Wisdom, after Alderman WOOD, the Prime Minister, who was the First Lord of the Treasury who ever left more in it than he found there. His beautiful daughter, MARIA, was the reigning Toast of those hard-drinking days, and gave her well-known name to the magnificent City Barge that periodically conveys the City Fathers, together with the City Mothers, on their several important inspections of the Silver Thames, in the neighbourhood of Richmond and Twickenham. The matters they have to discuss on these occasions are of so weighty a nature that they are compelled to have five or six horses to draw them. On one occasion, and one only, they managed to get as far as Oxford, an account of which celebrated voyage was written by the Lord Mayor's Chaplain of the time, under the title of "Alderman WENABLES' Woyage to Hoxford," a copy of which is still preserved in the Bodleian, among their most cherished treasures, and can only be seen on special application, as fabulous sums have been offered by the Court of Aldermen for its destruction, it being the only copy that escaped when the whole edition was ordered to be bought up and destroyed. This unique volume is said to contain such astounding revelations as must be seen to be believed, and would possibly not be believed even then.