UPPER LOWER MIDDLETON. _Eton College, Bucks, near Windsor, England._ * * * * * Mrs. RAM says she couldn't stop in an out-of-the-way country-place, give up society, and live like a Helmet in the desert. * * * * * [Illustration: THE MESSENGER OF PEACE.] * * * * * [Illustration: BRITISH FRENCH. _Emily._ "ASK HER TO GIVE US SOME MORE OF HER _SACRED_ MUSIC, GEORGE!" _George (a linguist)._ "OH, MADEMOISELLE, DONNEZ-NOUS ENCORE DE VOTRE SACRÉE MUSIQUE."] * * * * * JOE'S JAUNT. _Off to Ireland!_--At last. COLLINGS with me, of course:--rather grumpy, because SALISBURY'S got the credit of passing the Allotments Bill, instead of himself. Still, JESSE better than nobody. Would create bad impression to visit Belfast without an _entourage_. _In Steamer._--Look up my Irish History--or rather, JESSE'S Irish History, which he's borrowed from Birmingham Free Library. An Alderman _can_ do that sort of thing. Also examine revolver. Not accustomed to carrying one. What is the best place for it? JESSE says, "left-hand coat-tail pocket, decidedly, because then you can whip it out in a twinkling." JESSE'S confidence contagious--he talks as if he had always been in the habit of "whipping-out" revolvers, like a cow-boy,--or a "three-acres-and-a-cow-boy." Do as he advises. Very uncomfortable feeling. Sit down on revolver in a moment of forgetfulness, and nearly blow Captain's head off. Captain irritated. Asks me for "ransom." Ridiculous! _Belfast._--No end of a reception. Drive through the principal streets. Enthusiastic populace insist on taking horses out of carriage and pulling it themselves. Gratifying, but should feel safer with the horses. Why _will_ COLLINGS bow? I'm the person to bow, obviously. Bad taste, but don't like to stop him. Believe the mob _take_ him for me--or why do they cheer him so? _At Hotel._--Just found out reason of enthusiasm evoked by appearance of JESSE. _He's got on an Orange tie!_ Ask him, reproachfully, why he did this? Pretends it was a mere accident--forgot that orange was favourite Ulster colour. Don't want a religious riot, so make him take it off. JESSE getting grumpier. Can't help it. _Evening._--Before going to meeting, had better find out what Belfast chiefly famous for. Ask COLLINGS. Replies "linen-shirts and handkerchiefs." Try to put him in good humour by remarking that "_he_ seems shirty." Is there no other historical fact connected with place? "Yes," he replies, "visit of Lord RANDOLPH CHURCHILL." Wish he hadn't mentioned latter event. Dispiriting. Reminds one of proposed National Party, with self and RANDOLPH as sole leaders--and sole followers, too, it seems.