When I have done breakfast (invariably taken in my own room), I always smoke a pipe, and then set-to at reading or writing for a longer or shorter time, and go on smoking at intervals in the meanwhile. Sometimes sit and meditate till I lapse into a brown study, and am then liable to dream day-dreams, and fall into fits of unconscious cerebration, in which I frequently start up and spout SHAKSPEARE, or sing songs, or hum passages in operas, oratorios, symphonies, and overtures, a trick which, as my voice is very harsh and discordant, would of course be most irritating and offensive to anybody who could hear me, as would be generally the case anywhere out of my own den. Could never bear to be punctual to meal times, must always dine at what time it suits me; am utterly incapable of observing regular hours. So I might go on. But I trust I have now said enough to show you what a bore I should be if I were to repay your generous importunity to become your guest and do whatever I pleased so ill as to comply with it. Enough. I am afraid I have already bored you with much too long a letter. Let me only add that almost all social amusements, particularly cards and dancing, and every sort of small talk, common-place conversation, chaff, or gossip, or discussion of any subject, except philosophy, science, politics and theology, on which I am prone to argument, whilst my opponents generally lose their temper--are all so many bores of the very first magnitude to your sincerely candid and scrupulously outspoken friend, _Tub Snuggery._ ANTONY CAVEBEAR. * * * * * THE BRIGAND'S DOOM. _Brief libretto for a Trades-Unionist Grand Opera written up to date._ _The Scene represents a Country Mansion surrounded by its grounds. Members of the New Labour Electoral Association discovered hanging about in threatening attitudes. As the Curtain rises they sing the following Chorus_:-- CHORUS. SEE us here, in jubilation, A brand-new Association. Still, the truth to tell, although What we want we don't quite know. We are bound the world to wake, If sufficient noise we make. Hail our programme then with bliss, Which is, briefly stated, this: No longer we'll trust representative nous, But force for ourselves Parliamentary gates, As Members we'll take our own seats in the House, And have our expenses paid out of the rates. A LOCAL RATEPAYER (_andante_). Nay, nay! To take your seats, you're free, But not, oh! not, to burthen me! Enough am I already charged, And would not see the sum enlarged, Your pay,--that is your own affair; I care not whence it emanates: I only most distinctly swear, You shall not get it from the rates. CHORUS (_advancing on him threateningly_).