What would your grandfather have said to see you sway and prance? Sit still, lad, you alarm us all. Just look at Madame FRANCE! She's thought a fairish sailor, and has doffed her Crown, but see, She's clutching at the gunwale, too, as nervous as can be. Whilst, as for dear Senora SPAIN and her poor little charge, I guess she wishes this same tub were CLEOPATRA's barge, Or something broad and beamy that won't easily capsize. AUSTRIA's staring with a look of agonized surprise. And ITALY's dumfoundered. Sit down, boy! you're tempting fate. These days are trying ones, for _us_, 'tis worse than Forty-Eight. Then there were winds and whirlpools, but no Socialistic Sea Sweeping all shores, and threatening International anarchy. And with _its_ waves you're wantoning, and wobbling up and down, Indifferent to our stomachs,--as regardless of your Crown. Upon my honour it's too bad. _Noblesse oblige_, you know, 'Tis not a Hohenzollern we'd expect to serve us so. You've sacked our safest Pilot, who objected to your pranks, And now you are coquetting with mad mutiny in the ranks, Eh? You'll suppress it when you please, you'll smash up all your foes? 'Tis a new game, for Royalty, and risky, goodness knows. Meanwhile, _don't_ sway the boat like that, into the sea you'll fall; Or, what's more likely, just capsize the craft and drown us all! * * * [Illustration: L'ENFANT TERRIBLE! CHORUS IN THE STERN. "DON'T GO ON LIKE THAT--OR YOU'LL UPSET US ALL!!"] * * * * * THE ROYAL ACADEMY BANQUET. Exceptionally good in food for body and mind. "First person present in indicative mood" is Sir FREDERICK, the courteous President, pointing out to Royal Highnesses the beauties of Burlington House. Stars, ribands, and garters everywhere. Exceptionally distinguished personages come in with invitations only, and no orders. Pretty to see Cardinal MANNING's bright scarlet scull-cap, quite eclipsing RUSTEM PASHA's fez. Cardinal distinctly observed to smile during MARKISS's humorous observations. "MARKISS is ready," sounds like twin phrase to "Barkis is willin'." H.R.H.'s speech shorter than ever. Wonderful, too, how eloquent Sir FREDERICK contrives to spread fresh butter on dry old toasts, so that everyone relishes them as choice morsels. All speeches shorter, except Admiralty Lord's, who, being among portrait-painters, goes in for figures. But where is--"Mr. STANLEY, I presume?" Not here. Invited, but perhaps exploring neighbourhood, and unable to discover Burlington House. Altogether an exceptionally brilliant evening. * * * * * [Illustration: AT A HORSE FAIR. Dealer. "NOW, GUV'NOR, SAY YOU'LL 'AVE 'IM FOR THIRTY-FIVE BOB. YOU CAN'T GET A GOOD SOUND YOUNG 'OSS LIKE 'IM FOR LESS!"] * * * * * TO THE NEW SCRIBE AND POET. AIR--"_O Ruddier than the Cherry!_"