Lo! they raise the gleaming scalpels, and the fearsome feuds begin 'Twixt the Members of the College that is hard by Lincoln's Inn. College once of Barber Surgeons, but the Barbers left the Guild To the "Company of Surgeons," by whom we are cured or killed. And the College grants diplomas two-and-twenty inches long; After which, in cutting limbs off, sure the tyro can't go wrong. He can practise all the Surgeons' art and science; worded thus Is the motto, "Arts," the College says, "_quæ prosunt omnibus_." But unless by operations he amasses store of pelf, It is clear the arts in question will not benefit himself. Yet the Members are not happy, and with energy they say, They should have a voice in choosing those who over them hold sway. Sir MORELL MACKENZIE slashes at the College with a will; Lord DUNRAVEN to his rescue comes with promise of a Bill. Haply from this Æsculapian combat we may chance to see Fairer future for the College, though the Doctors disagree. * * * * * NEWS OF THE EMIN-ENT TRAVELLER.--Mr. STANLEY was received at Rome by the Marquis de VITELLESCHI, who gave him some "vitels," and by the Duke de SERMONETA, who gave him a sermon. How nice to be H. M. STANLEY! * * * * * FROM CERTAIN WORKING-MEN TO GRANDOLPH.----"We don't like these 'ere erpinions o' yourn, and we 'opes as you won't 'Old'em." * * * * * [Illustration: BARBERESSES.] * * * * * [Illustration: "A CUT OFF THE JOINT."] "A CUT OFF THE JOINT." _Swish! swish!_ Sweet is the sound of steel 'gainst steel To him who's hungering for a good square meal. This joint is juicy, and the carver skilled, But many plates are waiting to be filled. The Restaurant is famed for popular prices, A clever Cook, and oh! such whopping slices! What wonder then that customers are clamorous, That appetites, of good cheap victuals amorous, Sharpen at sight of that big toothsome joint? The carver does not wish to disappoint; He is no Union Bumble, stingy, truculent, He knows his dish is savoury and succulent, That "Cut and Come again's" a pleasant motto, But deal out "portions" all this hungry lot to? Amphitryon feels the thing cannot be done, Though he should slice the saddle to the bone With all the deftness of a Vauxhall Waiter. First come first serve! some claims are less, some greater; Some of them may secure a well-piled plateful, Others, though the necessity be hateful, Empty away must go. Won't there be grumblings, Waterings of mouths and hunger-gendered rumblings! But the great Surplus-Joint, although a spanker, Won't satiate all the appetites that hanker After a solid slice of it. Cook GOSCHEN Of careful carving has a neatish notion, Yet, though his skill be great, his judgment sound, He will not make that whopping joint "go round."