resort to as a last expedient; but, as you seem to think it might bring down your portico, and possibly the whole front of your house as well, we should advise you not to put it into execution till _quite_ assured that your attempts to get your dust-bin emptied by some less violent means have all hopelessly failed. Anyhow, try the copper shavings and nitric acid first. We think you will find, if steadily persevered in, that they will, coupled, possibly, with some legal proceedings, settle the matter for you. * * * * * MORE GLORY.--The fall of a fragment of a chandelier has shed an additional lustre--or a portion of a lustre--on the _Brav' General_. * * * * * QUITE THE FIRST BRIDGE.--The Forth Bridge. * * * * * [Illustration: THE GRAND OLD UNDERGRAD. MR. GLADSTONE'S VISIT TO OXFORD.--It has been stated in several papers that Mr. GLADSTONE intends to reside at All Souls' College, Oxford, of which he is an Honorary Fellow, from January 30, till the meeting of Parliament, on February 11. Mr. GLADSTONE, who, we believe, is going up for quiet study, will occupy a set of College rooms.] * * * * * [Illustration: "ANNALS OF A QUIET PARISH." _The Vicar's Wife_ (_to Country Tradesman_). "NOW, HOSKINS, AFTER SO MANY YEARS OF OUR LIBERAL PATRONAGE, IT WAS REALLY TOO BAD OF YOU TO SEND US SUCH A GLOBE--CRACKED FROM TOP TO BOTTOM----!" _Vicar_ (_calling from the Study-door at end of passage_). "MY DEAR, DID YOU RECOLLECT TO SEND FOR HOSKINS ABOUT THE GLOBE YOU HAD THE LITTLE ACCIDENT WITH LAST WEEK!"] * * * * * AN UNSCIENTIFIC DIALOGUE. (_On a highly Uninteresting Topic._) _First Aspiring Political Economist_ (_picking his way cautiously_). What the Bimetallists maintain is this: that by fixing an artificial ratio between the relative values of gold and silver, you somehow (_a little vaguely_) keep up prices; and so, at least,--so I fancy,--assist the circulation of capital. At all events, that is what I take M. EMILE DE LAVELEYE to mean. (_Tentatively._) You see that, don't you? _Second Aspiring Political Economist._ Not a bit of it. Why, EMILE DE LAVELEYE is an ass. (_Emphatically._) GIFFEN says so. And you can't have a higher authority than GIFFEN (_clinching the matter_). Why, he's Hon. Assistant Deputy Secretary to the Board of Commerce; (_with animation_) in fact, he says that all Bimetallists are hopeless lunatics, and, in my opinion, he's about right. _Third Aspiring Political Economist._ I don't see that at all. But if you are going to settle the matter by merely quoting names, what have you got to say to FOXWELL, the London Professor? He's a Bimetallist, and no mistake.