BARON DE BOOK-WORMS & Co. * * * * * MR. PARKER SMITH, the recently elected M.P., appeared in the House looking Partickularly happy. * * * * * [Illustration: Mr Punch's suggestion for the Betterment of Parliament The House of Commons altered so as to accommodate all its members.] ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT, EXTRACTED FROM the DIARY of TOBY M.P. _House of Commons, Tuesday, February 11._--"Rather slow this," said Commandant (of the Yeomanry Cavalry) Lord BROOKE to Admiral (in black velvet suit, with silver buckles) ROYDEN. They were locked up in a room adjoining OLD MORALITY'S private apartment, at back of SPEAKER's chair. Both dressed in warlike costumes, both uniforms new, unaccustomed, and uncomfortable. Both warriors had waked in the morning full of joy and proud anticipation. "If you're waking call me early," Quartermaster-General Lord BROOKE had said to his man; "this is the happiest day of all the bright new year; for I'm to Second the Address. Yes, I'm to Second the Address." Captain ROYDEN had made a remark of a similar purport to his body servant, though he had kept more closely to prose. Now here they were locked in, with a glass of sherry wine and a sponge cake, waiting for the signal that might never come. Ordinary course on opening night of Session is, for SPEAKER to take Chair; Notices of Motion to be worked off; Queen's Speech read; then Mover and Seconder of Address march into seats immediately behind Ministers, especially kept for them; dexterously dodge tendency of sword to get between their knees; sit down with the consciousness that they are the cynosure of every eye, including those of JOSEPH GILLIS, regarding them across House through horn-bound spectacles. To-day everything upside down. Instead of moving the Address, HARCOURT on with question of Privilege--HARCOURT, a plain man, in civilian costume! Worst of it was, they could not go away and change their clothes. No one knows what may happen from hour to hour in House of Commons; debate on Privilege might break down; Address brought on, and what would happen to British Constitution if Mover and Seconder were dragged in in their dressing-gowns? "Dem'd dull," said Captain of Yeomanry Cavalry Lord BROOKE, toying with his sword-tassel. "Trenormous!" yawned Bosun's Mate ROYDEN, loosening his belt, for he had been beguiled into taking another sponge-cake. "If they'd only let us walk about the corridors, or lounge in the House, it would be better. But to sit cooped up here is terrible. Worst of it is I've conned my speech over so often, got it mixed up; end turning up in middle; exordium marching in with rear-guard; was just right to go off at half-past six; now it's eight, and we won't be off duty till twelve." Vice-Admiral ROYDEN feebly hitched up his trousers; sadly sipped his sherry wine, and deep silence fell on the forlorn company.