You may say what you please about feminine "togs," That they're ugly, unhealthy, are burdens or clogs, Too high, or too low, or too loose, or too tight, There is just one reply (but 'tis more than enough) To such "rational," but most irrelevant stuff:-- _If not in the Fashion, a Woman's a Fright!!!_ * * * * * FROM THE ZOO.--The Tapir, the _Daily Telegraph_ stated in one of the paragraphs of its useful and amusing diary of "London Day by Day,"--"The Tapir," at the Zoological Gardens, is a specimen of a species now "verging on the brink of extinction. He was an old Tory; the world changes, but change he would not." He should be known as the "Red Tape-ir." *** THE SEAS-ON.--Mr. J. L. TOOLE, until he reaches Australia. * * * * * [Illustration: A WOMAN'S REASON.] _Cousin Jack._ "Then why did you Marry him, Effie?" _Effie._ "Oh, well--I wanted to see the Paris Exhibition, you know!" * * * * * SHOOTING ARROWS AT A SONG. DEAR MR. PUNCH,--I observe, that a gentleman has written, in a book called _In Tennyson Land_, an account of the exact localities of "the Moated Grange," and other well-advertised places--statements, which however, have been promptly challenged by the Poet's son in the _Athenæum_. As there seems to be some doubt upon this subject, perhaps, you will allow me to give a few notes anent the interesting objects which Lord TENNYSON has so obligingly immortalised in song. _The Owl._--The name of a bright little newspaper which, amongst other items of news and flashes of humour, gave a list of proposed marriages--hence, no doubt, the refrain of "To wit and to woo." It owed its temporary success both to its fun and its matrimonial intelligence. _The Dying Swan._--Probably, suggested by the condition of one of these interesting creatures on the Thames, whose plumage had changed from white to blue, owing to the River being made the temporary repository for the outcome of some chemical works. _Oriana._--This name, there is every reason to believe, was suggested by a character in the opening of a pantomime at one of the minor theatres, very popular some twenty or thirty years ago. _The Miller's Daughter._--A very touching reference to the domestic life of a hero of the Prize Ring. _Lady Clara Vere de Vere._--Tradition has it that this aristocratic sounding title was originally intended for a new sort of velveteen, that would have been sold at a profit at three-and-sixpence a yard, double width. _The May Queen._--Believed to have been changed at the last moment from "The Jack-in-the-Green," a subject that had already been used by a poet of smaller fame than ALFRED TENNYSON. _The Lotos Eaters._--No doubt adapted from the English translation to a German picture of some children playing at a once well-known game called "The Loto Seaters."