Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 98 January 11, 1890Various
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 98 January 11, 1890
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
[THOMAS _slowly vanishes down its cavernous jaws; faint yells are
heard at intervals--then nothing but a dull champing sound;
after which, dead silence. The_ Monster _smiles, with an air of
repletion._
_Re-enter_ WILLIAM, _from_ R., _with_ BENJAMIN.
_Benjamin._ I'm very glad you came--but where is THOMAS?
_Wm._ (_severely._) TOM is a wicked boy, and better from us,
For on the road he stopped to scale a wall!...
[_Sees Man-trap, and starts._
What's _that?_
_Benj._ It will not hurt _good_ boys at all--
It's only Father's Man-trap--why so pale?
_Wm._ The self-same tree!... the wall that TOM _would_ scale!
Where's THOMAS _now_? Ah, TOM, the wilful pride of you!
[_The Man-trap affects an elaborate unconsciousness._
_Benj._ (_with sudden enlightenment_) Man-trap, I do believe poor TOM'S
inside of you!
That sort of smile's exceedingly suspicious.
[_The Man-trap endeavours to hide in the grass._
_Wm._ Ah, Monster, give him back--'tis true he's vicious,
And had no business to go making free with you!
But think, so bad a boy will disagree with you!
[WILLIAM _and_ BENJAMIN _kneel in attitudes of entreaty on either
side of the Man-trap, which shows signs of increasing emotion
as the song proceeds._
BENJAMIN (_sings_). | WILLIAM (_sings_).
|
Man-trap, bitter our distress is | In his downward course arrest him!
That you have unkindly penned | (He may take a virtuous tack);
In your innermost recesses | Pause awhile, ere you digest him.
One who used to be our friend! | Make an effort--bring him back!
[_The Man-trap is convulsed by a violent heave_; WILLIAM _and_
BENJAMIN_ bend forward in an agony of expectation, until a
small shoe and the leg of_ THOMAS'S _pantaloons are finally
emitted from the Monster's jaws._
_Benj._ (_exultantly_). See, WILLIAM, now he's coming ... here's his
shoe for you!
_The Man-trap_ (_with an accent of genuine regret_). I'm sorry--but
that's all that I can do for you!
_Wm._ (_raising the shoe and the leg of pantaloons, and holding them
sorrowfully at arm's length_). He's met the fate which moralists
all promise is
The end of such depraved careers as THOMAS's!
Oh, BENJAMIN, take warning by it _be_-time!
(_More brightly_). But now to wash our hands--'tis nearly tea-time!
[_Exeunt_ WILLIAM _and_ BENJAMIN, _to wash their hands, as Curtain
falls. N.B. This finale is more truly artistic, and in accordance
with modern dramatic ideas, than the conventional "picture."_
* * * * *
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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