Now then with regard to the Gold Cup. I said: "In the Gold Cup the old adage holds, _Medio tutissimus ibis_. The Ibis, I may mention, though he was an Egyptian bird, cannot be termed a flyer. However, take the three words _The Gold Cup_, select the middle word, open your mouth, bung up the eyes of anyone who impedes you, and wire to your Commissioner." The middle word was "Gold," and _Gold_, of course, won the Cup that was of, _or_ belonging to him. Ask Prince SOLTYKOFF if am right or wrong. And for the rest, if any fuddling, bolus-brained, bran-faced, turnip-tongued, hippopotamus-headed moon-calf doubts my word, let him remember that there are pistols for two--_and coffee for one_, in Belgium, and let him tremble. * * * * * THE WAY WE SHALL LIVE SOON. (_From the Diary of the Automatically Conducted._) 7 A.M.--Turned out of automatically constructed bed and deposited on the floor. Am picked up and hurled into an automatic dressing, washing, and shaving chair, after which, being dressed by self-acting machinery, descend by switchback lift to dining-room, where I am fed by an "automatic private breakfast supplier" while listening to last night's speeches in the House, and the latest gossip, furnished by one of the "_Phonographic Association's Parliamentary and Social Scandal Machines_." 10 A.M.--Take automatic horse exercise, and am thrown twice, being picked up each time automatically by a self-registering and revolving automatic policeman. NOON.--Attend the marriage of a favourite niece, assisting at the subsequent social entertainment which is supplied to the assembled guests on the platform of a West-End terminus from one of the "Twopenny Wedding Breakfast Company's Automatic Machines," the Bridegroom at the same time presenting the Bridesmaids with a handsome Penny Piece of Jewellery from a similar source. 4 P.M.--Hair cut automatically, but, owing to some want of nice adjustment in the machinery, having managed to get ears clipped smartly at the same time, put penny into slot and consult an automatic pillar-post. Eventually get my head (and my hat too, by mistake) strapped up by patent automatic binder in the ward of an automatically conducted Hospital. 8 P.M.--Dine automatically with automatic halfpenny appetite, listening to Phonographic Italian Opera at one of Metropolitan District Underground Stations. 10 P.M.--Dragged up-stairs mechanically by switch-back lift, and have my boots pulled off by machinery, being automatically flung into a hot bath, turned out, scrubbed, lifted out, dried by a revolving towel, and eventually thrown into bed and tucked up, and finally sent to sleep by Phonograph repeating good things said by funny man at previous day's evening-party. * * * * * THE MONRO DOCTRINE (_not to be adopted by Sir Edward Bradford_). That the control of the legislative proposals of the Government should be "a question of police."