"When I had collected my material for this powerful indictment, etc., etc." (ran the article), "I met a party of irresponsible subalterns bent on the old, old army pastime of leg-pulling. For the sake of exercise and amusement I permitted them to conduct me on a wild-goose chase after an imaginary dump, which luckily led me to a sequestered little hotel where I was able to write my articles in peace and quietude. But to return to the main question. I unhesitatingly affirm..." Percival, who was reading aloud, let the paper fall limply from his hand. "Frederick," he said, "put your biggest boots on and kick me. The word-merchant was laughing at us all the time." * * * * * [Illustration: COMMERCIAL CONSCIENTIOUSNESS. TRAPPING IMITATION ERMINE.] * * * * * "The letter about the Bloomsbury cat that bought her own cat's meat in your issue of December 6th is interesting." _A Correspondent in "The Spectator."_ The cat would, however, have shown more regard for the feelings of our justly-esteemed contemporary if it had wrapped up its purchase in some other publication. * * * * * "In his defence, ---- said that he had really intended marrying the girl, but that he came to the realization that she was extremely ejaljoujs, hence his bjreach. jThe court found that this was sufficient ground to justify jjjustify jujjjj jstjijfjy his breach of promise."--_Canadian Paper._ It is evident, however, that the Court did not arrive at this decision without considerable hesitation. * * * * * More Headaches for Historians. "The revellers passed the time in dancing and singing until St. Paul's clock struck midnight. Then 'Auld Lang Syne' was sung with enthusiasm and, after repeated cheers, the crowd dispersed."--_Times._ "It was typical of the largest crowd that has watched round the cathedral the passing of the year that at the moment when midnight struck it should be engaged in one tremendous jostle and push, rough and tumble, and that no one thought to strike up the tune--traditional to the occasion--of 'Auld Lang Syne.'"--_Star._ "The gigantic Hindenburg figure of Militarism in the centre of the room melted away with the appearance of the Peace Angel, reputed to be the fairest lady in Chelsea, who had climbed a ladder within his leviathan bulk."--_Times._ "When twelve o'clock struck The God of War _should_ have collapsed gracefully to give place to the most beautiful artist's model in Chelsea, draped as the Goddess of Peace. But something went wrong with the ropes, and the God of War floated a yard or two into the air, just sufficiently high to show us the feet and knees of the Goddess of Peace."--_Evening Standard._ * * * * *