William was practically a wreck before the inquisition came to an end. He had not even sufficient spirit left to fly at me for entering his distinguishing marks as "a general air of honesty, tempered by a slight inward squint." * * * * * [Illustration: _Runner._ "BEAUTIFUL SCENT IN COVER TO-DAY, SIR." _Post-War Sportsman._ "OH--ER--IS THERE? I HAVEN'T NOTICED IT, BUT I'VE GOT A COLD IN MY HEAD."] * * * * * "The Board of Trade have awarded a silver cup to Mr. John Bruce, D.S.C., skipper of the steam drifter _Pansy_, of Wick, in recognition of the promptitude and ability with which he rescued the domestic servant, Strawberry Bank, Hardgate, pleaded guilty to having bemusic, stolen a gold safety pin, a fountain pen, two pairs of gloves, two blouses and several other articles of clothing."--_Fishing News._ We never believe these fishing stories. * * * * * SONGS OF THE HOME. II.--THE DIAGNOSIS. When Jimmy, our small but significant son, Is prey of a temper capricious and hot, And tires of a project as soon as begun, And wants what he hasn't, and hates what he's got, A dutiful father, I ponder and brood, Essaying by reason and logic to find The radical cause of the juvenile mood In the intricate growth of the juvenile mind. But women and reason were never allies; The rule of a mother is logic of thumb; The trouble concerns, she is quick to surmise, His rum-ti-tiddily-um-ti-tum. O woman (though angel in moments of pain, When angels of pity are most _à propos_), Why, why won't you listen when husbands explain The things they have thought and the knowledge they know? And why do you smile when they beg to repeat? And why are you bored when they make it all clear? And why do you label their emphasis "heat," And bid them "Be careful; the servants may hear"? The argument leaves me, though ever more sure, Reproachful and angry and sullen and dumb: It leaves her reforming my diet, to cure _My_ rum-ti-tiddily-um-ti-tum. HENRY. * * * * * ANIMAL HELPS. (_By a Student of Domestic Economy._) Living in a remote country district, where the difficulty of obtaining servants is at present insurmountable--the nearest "pictures" are twelve miles off--I have been much impressed and encouraged by two letters in recent issues of _The Spectator_. One describes a Bloomsbury grocer's cat that bought her own cat's-meat; another recounts the exploits of a spaniel belonging to a house painter and glazier at Yarmouth (Isle of Wight), which, if given a penny, would immediately amble off to a grocer's shop and purchase a cake.