Let not the nervous or sensitive wit imagine that, in a vast metropolis like London, his chance of securing an appropriate lodging and a confiding landlady is at all doubtful. He might lodge safe from the past, certain of the future, till the crash of doom. I shall be met by Ferguson's case. Ferguson I knew well, and I respected him. But he had a most unfortunate countenance. It was a very solemn, but by no means a solvent face; and yet he had a manner with him too, and his language was choice, if not persuasive. That the matter of his speech was plausible, none ever presumed to deny. "It is all very well, Mr. Ferguson,"--_that_ was always conceded. I do not wish to speak ill of the dead; but Ferguson never entered a lodging without being compelled to pay a fortnight in advance, and always [Illustration: EXPECTED TO BE OUT SHORTLY.] 3rd. _Of Good Dinners._--Wits, like other men, are distinguished by a variety of tastes and inclinations. Some prefer dining at taverns and eating-houses; others, more discreet or less daring, love the quiet security of the private house, with its hospitable inmates, courteous guests, and no possibility of "bill transactions." I confess when I was young and inexperienced, wanting that wisdom which I am now happy to impart, I was a constant frequenter of taverns, eating-houses, oyster-rooms, and similar places of entertainment. I am old now, and have been persecuted by a brutal world, and am grown timid. But I was ever a peaceable man--hated quarrels--never came to words if I could help it. _I do not recommend the tavern, eating-house, oyster-room system._ These are the words of wisdom. The waiters at these places are invariably sturdy, fleet, abusive rascals, who cannot speak and will not listen to reason. To eat one's dinner, drink a pint of sherry, and then, calling for the bill, take out one's pocket-book, and post it in its rotation in a neat hand, informing the waiter the while, that it is a simple debt, and so forth; this really requires nerve. Great spirits only are equal to it. It is an innovation upon old, established forms, however absurd--and innovators bring down upon themselves much obloquy. To run from the score you have run up--not to pay your shot, but to shoot from payment--this is not always safe, and invariably spoils digestion. No; it is not more honourable--far from it--but it is better; for you should strive to become, what is commonly called--"A Diner Out"--that is to say, one who continues to sit at the private tables of other men every day of his life, and by his so potent art, succeeds in making them believe that they are very much obliged to him. How to be this thing--this "Diner Out"--I shall teach you, by a few short rules next week. Till then--farewell! * * * * *