Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, CompleteVarious
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
In a glass-case on the counter were exhibited patent medicines,
Birmingham jewellery, court-plaister, and side-combs. Behind the counter
might be seen Mr. Matthew Tibbins, quite a precedent for country shop-
keepers, with uncommonly fair hair and slender fingers, a profusion of
visible linen, and a most engaging lisp. In addition to his personal
attractions, Tibbins possessed a large stock of accomplishments, which,
like his goods, might safely challenge competition. He was an
acknowledged wit, and retailed compliments and cotton balls to the young
ladies who visited his emporium. As a poet, too, his merits were
universally known; for he had once contributed a poetic charade to the
Ladies Almanack. He, moreover, played delightfully on the Jews-harp,
knew several mysterious tricks in cards, and was an adept in the science
of bread and butter-cutting, which made him a prodigious favourite with
maiden aunts and side-table cousins. This was the individual whom fate
had ordained to cross and thwart Terence in his designs upon the heart
of Miss Biddy OBrannigan, and upon whom that young lady, in sport or
caprice, bestowed a large dividend of those smiles which Terence
imagined should be devoted solely to himself.
The man of small wares was, in truth, a dangerous rival, from his very
insignificance. Had he been a man of spirit or corporal consideration,
Terence would have pistolled or thrashed him out of his audacious
notions; but the creature was so smiling and submissive that he could
not, for the life of him, dirty his fingers with such a contemptible
wretch. Thus Tibbins continued flattering and wriggling himself into
Miss Biddys good graces, while Terence was fighting and kissing the way
to her heart, till the poor girl was fairly bothered between them.
Miss Biddy OBrannigan, I should have told you, sir, was an heiress,
valued at one thousand pounds in hard cash, living with an old aunt at
Rookawn Lodge, about six miles from Ballybreesthawn; and to this retreat
of the loves and graces might the rival lovers be seen directing their
course, after mass, every Sunday;the haberdasher in a green gig with
red wheels, and your uncle mounted on a bit of blood, taking the coal
off Tibbinss pipe with the impudence of his air, and the elegant polish
of your humble servants.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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