Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, CompleteVarious
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
An Englishman has been gallantly captured this morning, in a small boat,
by one of our armed junks. He will eat his eyes in the Palace-court this
afternoon; and then, being enclosed in soft porcelain, will be baked to
form a statue for the new pagoda at Bo-Lung, the first stone of which
was laid by the late emperor, to celebrate his victory over the rude
northern islanders.
Canton.
The last order of the government, prohibiting the exportation of tea and
rhubarb, has been issued by the advice of Lin, who translates the
English newspapers to the council. It is affirmed in these journals,
that millions of these desert tribes have no other beverage than tea for
their support. As their oath prohibits any other liquor, they will be
driven to water for subsistence, and, unable to correct its unhealthy
influence by doses of rhubarb, will die miserably. In anticipation of
this event, large catacombs are being erected near their great city, on
the authority of Slo-Lefe-Tee, who visited it last year, and intends
shortly to go there again. The rhubarb prohibition will, it is said,
have a great effect upon the English market for plums, pickled salmon,
and greengages; and the physicians, or disciples of the great Hum,
appear uncertain as to the course to be pursued.
The emperor has issued a chop to the Hong merchants, forbidding them to
assist or correspond with the invaders, under pain of having their
finger-nails drawn out and rings put in their noses. Howqua resists the
order, and it is the intention of Lin, should he remain obstinate, to
recommend his being pounded up with broken crockery and packed in
Chinese catty packages, to be forwarded, as an example, to the Mandarin
Pidding, of the wild island.
An English flag, stolen by a deserter from Chusan, will be formally
insulted to-morrow in the market-place, by the emperor and his court.
Dust will be thrown at it, accompanied by derisive grimaces, and it will
be subsequently hoisted, in scorn, to blow, at the mercy of the winds,
upon the summit of the palace, within sight of the barbarians.
LEVANT MAIL. CONSTANTINOPLE, ALEXANDRIA, AND SMYRNA. August 30.
The Sultan got very fuddled last night, with forbidden juice, in the
harem, and tumbled down the ivory steps leading from the apartment of
the favourite, by which accident he seriously cut his nose. Every guard
is to be bastinadoed in consequence, and the wine-merchant will be
privately sewn up in a canvas-bag and thrown into the Bosphorus this
evening.
A relation of Selim Pacha, despatched by the Sultan to collect taxes in
Beyrout, was despatched by the Syrians a few hours after his arrival.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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