Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, December 4, 1841Various
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, December 4, 1841
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
Mr. ADOLPHUS addressed the court for the defendant. He had not the golden
tongue--no, he was not blessed with the oratory of his learned friend. He
would therefore confine himself to the common sense view of the question.
He was not talking to Arcadian shepherds (he was very happy to see his own
butcher in the jury-box), but to men of business. If there had been any
arts practised, it was on the side of the plaintiff's wife. His client had
visited the plaintiff out of pure compassion. The plaintiff's show was a
failing concern; his client, with a benevolence which had marked his long
career, wished to give him the benefit of his own attractions, joined to
those of the woman. Well, the plaintiff knew the value of money, and
therefore left his wife and the defendant to arrange the affair between
them. "Gentlemen of the jury," continued the learned counsel, "it must
appear to you, that on the part of the plaintiff this is not an affair of
the heart, but a matter of the breeches' pocket. He leaves his wife--a
fascinating, versatile creature--with my client, I confess it, an
acknowledged man of gallantry. Well, the result is--what was to be
expected. My learned friend has dwelt, with his accustomed eloquence, on
his client's broken heart. I will not speak of his heart; but I must say
that the man who, bereaved of the partner of his bosom, can still eat six
plates of alamode beef, must have a most excellent stomach. Gentlemen,
beware of giving heavy damages in this case, or otherwise you will
unconsciously be the promoters of great immorality. This is no paradox,
gentlemen; for I am credibly informed that if the man succeed in getting
large damages, he will immediately take his wife home to his bosom and his
van, and instead of exhibiting her, as he has hitherto done, for one
penny, he will, on the strength of the notoriety of this trial, and as a
man knowing the curiosity of society, immediately advance that penny to
threepence. You will, therefore, consider your verdict, gentlemen, and
give such moderate damages as will entirely mend the plaintiff's broken
heart."
The jury, without retiring from the box, returned a verdict of "Damages
One Farthing!"
* * * * *
We are credibly informed--though the evidence was not adduced in
court--that Monsieur Bonbon first suspected his dishonour from his wife's
hair papers. She had most negligently curled her tresses in the soft paper
epistles of her _innamorato_.
* * * * *
PUNCH'S PENCILLINGS.--No. XXI.
[Illustration: CUPID OUT OF PLACE.
_From a Sketch made in "THE PALMERSTON GALLERY."_]
* * * * *
THE FETES FOR THE POLISH--AND FATE OF THE BRITISH POOR.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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