* * * * * A SPOON CASE. A well-dressed individual has lately been visiting the lodging-house keepers of the metropolis. He engages lodgings--but being, as he says, just arrived from a long journey, he begs to have dinner before he returns to the Coach-Office for his luggage. This request being usually complied with, the new lodger, while the table is being laid, watches his opportunity and bolts with the silver spoons. Sir Peter Laurie says, that since this practice of filching the spoons has commenced, he does not feel himself safe in his own house. He only hopes the thief may be brought before him, and he promises to give him his _dessert_, by committing him without [Illustration: STANDING UPON CEREMONY.] * * * * * A DAB FOR LAURIE. SIR PETER LAURIE, on a recent visit to Billingsgate for the purpose of making what he calls a _pisciatery_ tour, was much astonished at the vigorous performance of various of the real "live fish," some of which, as he sagely remarked, appeared to be perfect "Dabs" at jumping, and no doubt legitimate descendants from some particularly [Illustration: MERRY OLD SOLE.] * * * * * SIBTHORPS CORNER. If old Nick were to lose his tail, where should he go to supply the deficiency?--To a gin-palace, because there they _re-tail_ bad spirits. Mr. G., who has a very ugly wife, named Euphemia, was asked lately why his spouse was the image of himself--and, to his great annoyance, discovered that it was because she was his _Effie-G_[2]. [2] I could make better than the above myself. E.G.--In what way should Her Majesty stand upon a Bill in Parliament so as to quash it?--By putting her _V-toe_ (_veto_) on it.--PRINTER'S DEVIL. I floored Ben-beau D'Israeli the other day with the following:--"Ben," said I, "if I were going to buy a violin, what method should I take to get it cheap?" Benjie looked rather more foolish than usual, and gave it up. "Why, you ninny," I replied, "I should buy an ounce of castor-oil, and then I would get a phial in (_violin_)." I think I had him there. Why is a female of the canine species suckling her whelps like a philosophic principle?--Because she is a dogma (_dog-ma_). What part of a horse's foot is like an irate governor?--The pastern (_pa-stern_). Why is the march of a funeral procession like a turnpike?--Because it is a toll-gait (_toll-gate_). Who is the greatest literary _star_?--The _poet-aster_. Why is an Israelite named William Solomons similar to a great public festival?--Because he is a Jubilee (_Jew-Billy_). Why are polished manners like a pea-jacket?--Because they are address (_a dress_). Why are swallows like a leap head-over-heels?--Because they are a summer set (_a somerset_). * * * * * CUTTING IT RATHER SHORT.