MANAGER.--Very good, Mr. Punch; but I should like to know what the Tories mean to do about the corn-laws? Will they give the people cheap food? PUNCH.--No, but they'll give them cheap drink. They'll throw open the Thames for the use of the temperance societies. MANAGER.--But if we don't have cheap corn, our trade must be destroyed, our factories will be closed, and our mills left idle. PUNCH.--There you're wrong. Our tread-mills will be in constant work; and, though our factories should be empty, our prisons will be quite full. MANAGER.--That's all very well, Mr. Punch; but the people will grumble a _leetle_ if you starve them. PUNCH.--Ay, hang them, so they will; the populace have no idea of being grateful for benefits. Talk of starvation! Pooh!--I've studied political economy in a workhouse, and I know what it means. They've got a fine plan in those workhouses for feeding the poor devils. They do it on the homoeopathic system, by administering to them oatmeal porridge in infinitessimal doses; but some of the paupers have such proud stomachs that they object to the diet, and actually die through spite and villany. Oh! 'tis a dreadful world for ingratitude! But never mind--Send round the hat. MANAGER.--What is the meaning of the sliding scale, Mr. Punch? PUNCH.--It means--when a man has got nothing for breakfast, he may slide his breakfast into his lunch; then, if he has got nothing for lunch, he may slide that into his dinner; and if he labours under the same difficulties with respect to the dinner, he may slide all three meals into his supper. MANAGER.--But if the man has got no supper? PUNCH.--Then let him wish he may get it. MANAGER.--Oh! that's your sliding scale? PUNCH.--Yes; and a very ingenious invention it is for the suppression of victuals. R-r-r-roo-to-tooit-tooit! Send round the hat. MANAGER.--At this rate, Mr. Punch, I suppose you would not be favourable to free trade? PUNCH.--Certainly not, sir. Free trade is one of your new-fangled notions that mean nothing but free plunder. I'll illustrate my position. I'm a boy in a school, with a bag of apples, which, being the only apples on my form, I naturally sell at a penny a-piece, and so look forward to pulling in a considerable quantity of browns, when a boy from another form, with a bigger bag of apples, comes and sells his at three for a penny, which, of course, knocks up my trade. MANAGER.--But it benefits the community, Mr. Punch. PUNCH.--D--n the community! I know of no community but PUNCH and Co. I'm for centralization--and individualization--every man for himself, and PUNCH for us all! Only let me catch any rascal bringing his apples to my form, and see how I'll cobb him. So now--send round the hat--and three cheers for PUNCH'S POLITICS. * * * * * SONGS FOR THE SENTIMENTAL. No. 1.