These are the continental-trip days. All the world will be now a-_tour_ing. But every one is not a Dr. Bowring, and it is rather convenient to be able to edge in a word now and then, when these rascally foreigners will chatter in their own beastly jargon. Ignorant pigs, not to accustom themselves to talk decent English! Il Signor Marchese Cantini, the learned and illustrious author of "Hi, diddlo-diddlino! Il gutto e'l violino!", has just rendered immense service to the trip-loving natives of these lovely isles, by preparing a "Guide to Conversation," that for utility and correctness of idiom surpasses all previous attempts of the same kind. With it in one hand, and a bagful of Napoleons or Zecchini in the other, the biggest dunce in London--nay, even a schoolmaster--may travel from Boulogne to Naples and back, with the utmost satisfaction to himself, and with substantial profit to the people of these barbarous climes. The following is a specimen of the way in which Il Signor has accomplished his undertaking. It will be seen at a glance how well he has united the classical with the utilitarian principle, clothing both in the purest dialect; ex. gr.:-- THIS IS ENGLISH. THIS IS FRENCH. THIS IS ITALIAN. Does your mother know Madame, votre maman, La vostra signora you're out? sait-elle que vous madre sa che siete n'etes pas chez vous? uscito di casa? It won't do, Mr. Cela nese passera, Questo non fara Ferguson. Monsieur Ferguson, cosi, il Signore jamais! Fergusoni! Who are you? Est-ce que vous aviez Chi e vossignoria? jamais un pere? All round my hat. Tout autour mon Tutto all' interno chapeau. del mio capello! Go it, ye cripples! C'est ca! Battez-vous Bravo! bravo, bien--boiteux; stroppiati! cr-r-r-r-matin! Ancora-ancora! Such a getting Diantre! comme on Come si ha salito-- up-stairs! monte l'escalier! e maraviglioso! Jump, Jim Crow. Sautez, Monsiuer Salti, pergrazia, Jaques Corbeau! Signor Giamomo Corvo! It would not be fair to rob the Signor of any more of his labour. It will be seen that, on the principle of the Painter and his Cow, we have distinctly written above each sentence the language it belongs to. It is always better to obviate the possibility of mistakes. * * * * * THE OMNIBUS The horrors of an omnibus, Indeed, I've cause to curse; And if I ride in one again, I hope 'twill be my hearse. If you a journey have to go, And they make no delay, 'Tis ten to one you're serv'd like _curds_, They _spill you on the_ WHEY.