On going forth last night, a friend to see, I met a man by trade a s-n-o-_b_; Reeling along the path he held his way. "Ho! ho!" quoth I, "he's d-r-u-n-_k_." Then thus to him--"Were it not better, far, You were a little s-o-b-e-_r_? 'Twere happier for your family, I guess, Than playing off such rum r-i-g-_s_. Besides, all drunkards, when policemen see 'em, Are taken up at once by t-h-_e_-_m_." "Me drunk!" the cobbler cried, "the devil trouble you! You want to kick up a blest r-o-_w_. Now, may I never wish to work for Hoby, If drain I've had!" (the lying s-n-o-_b_!) "I've just return'd from a tee-total party, Twelve on us jamm'd in a spring c-a-_r_-_t_. The man as lectured, now, _was_ drunk; why, bless ye, He's sent home in a c-h-a-i-_s_-_e_. He'd taken so much lush into his belly, I'm blest if he could t-o-dd-_l_-_e_. A pair on 'em--hisself and his good lady;-- The gin had got into her h-e-_a_-_d_. (My eye and Betty! what weak mortals _we_ are; They said they took but ginger b-e-_e_-_r_!) But as for me, I've stuck ('twas rather ropy) All day to weak imperial p-o-_p_. And now we've had this little bit o'sparrin', Just stand a q-u-a-r-t-e-_r_-_n_!" * * * * * A man in New-York enjoys such very _excellent spirits_ that he has only to drink water to intoxicate himself. * * * * * TO JOBBING PATRIOTS. MR. GEORGE ROBINS. with unparalleled gratification, begs to state that he has it in Command to announce, that in consequence of LORD JOHN RUSSELL'S LETTER to the citizens of London having satisfactorily convinced her MOST GRACIOUS MAJESTY that a change of ministry CANNOT be productive of a corresponding transformation of measures, and that the late POLITICO-GLADIATORIAL STRUGGLE for the guerdon of office could only have emanated from a highly commendatory desire on the part of the disinterested and patriotic belligerents TO SERVE THEMSELVES or their country, HIS ROYAL MISTRESS, ever solicitous to enchain the hearts of her devoted subjects, by an impartial exercise of her prerogative, has determined to submit to the ARBITRATION OF HIS HUMBLE HAMMER, some of those desirable _places_, so long known as the _stimuli_ to the LACTANT LYCURGI of the nineteenth century. LOT 1. FIRST LORD OF THE TREASURY, at present in possession of Lord Melbourne. This will be found a most eligible investment, as it embraces a considerable extent of female patronage, comprising the appointments of those valuable legislative adjuncts, THE LADIES OF THE BEDCHAMBER, AND THE ROYAL NURSES, WET AND DRY; together with those household desiderata, COALS AND CANDLES, and an unlimited RUN OF THE ROYAL KITCHEN.